Saturday, December 13, 2008

you see its getting late....

Do not judge me until you've walked in my shoes.
Do not assume you know how I'm feeling.
You havent even asked.
Or maybe you don't even care.
I thought you did.
Do not expect me to understand your actions when you havent expressed them to me.
Do not toss worn out cliches at me and think they are comforting.
Or maybe it was meant as a dismissal?
Did I miss something?

I want you to care, but i can't make you.
I can only wish.

Maybe I'm going about this the wrong way.
Maybe I need to ask....
How are you?

I've always believed we are all equal in the eyes of God. Why then do people feel they have the right to stand back and unleash the power of emotional manipulation on others as a means of judging? It seems to me that we have become individuals who react from a place of our own pain instead of's become our "go to" resting centre in our souls. Do our own feelings of rejection and abandonment feed our reactions to others? What is the problem here?

We minimize, criticize....where is the empathize? Is it too much to care?

You should....
Why don't you.....
Get off your ass.......
Stop whining.......
What's your problem.....
You think you have it bad.....what about me?

Here's a quarter, call someone who cares.

or worse.

thunderous silence....

Is it because we are so undisciplined by our own blinding woundedness that we can't take on other's emotional pain? Has the world reached their empathy saturation point? Our emotional literacy is dyslexic.
Its not that I'm wishing for human beings to become softie bleeding hearted touchy feely blatherers. That doesn't work either. It only pours more salty tears into an open wound and blends it into a more ruminating mess of pity. A pity party leads to nowhere. A touch of sympathy is fine when it's timely and appropriately shared. Too much and it sends someone into a pit of emotional quicksand. Everyone remains stuck in that kind of helpless pit.

Kindness.....lets hope it hasn't become extinct because if this global place has lost the ability to grow in kindness, we have lost our way to the place in our hearts where we can love one another. I don't want to live in a place like that and I certainly don't want to be around others who have lost the ability to be accepting of the important people in their lives who may be suffering.

I used to love singing this song around a chapel campfire (it came to me while i was writing this piece...out of the blue, like a little loving tap.....the memories and the harmony still offers a hush of comfort to me even after all these years. I can feel their kinship even though they are far far away......

"Think of your fellow man
Lend him a helping hand
Put a little love in your heart

You see it's getting late
Oh please don't hesitate
Put a little love in your heart

And the world will be a better place
And the world will be a better place
For you and me
You just wait and see" are you? I genuinely want to know.


much2ponder said...

Going deep here, but I must say you have raised some very thoughtful questions in my heart. These are not new thoughts or strangers in my life, but I am comforted in knowing someone else feels this way at times too.

I do believe there are a lot of reasons people react to others the way they do and one of them is as you stated, a reaction to hurts in their own lives. It seems to me we all seek love and understanding and when we do not find it, or we think we find it, but then learn we have not found it, another layer is added to the disconnect between us.

"Is it because we are so undisciplined by our own blinding woundedness that we can't take on other's emotional pain?"

This could be true, but I surly hope the world has not reached her saturation point. I for one need to be reminded of these things in order to keep my thoughts and feeling regarding others in perspective.

Thank you for bringing some things to light. We are all works in progress and if not for the grace of God and his ability to heal our hearts and change us...where would we be?

dana said...

m2p...what i find reaffirming through the blog world is that all human beings feel the same things and more often than not for the same kind of reasons.

I too believe we react for different reasons....but i do believe it is tied to feelings...whether it's rejection or fear. some people are simply not comfortable sharing their own feelings let alone listening and responding to another's.

we get so bogged down with our own crap that we don't take the time to reach out to others or even acknowledge someone in need. too busy, too tired, too, too, too.....

I find when i am the recipient of the judgement, it automatically kicks me in the gut where my "rejection" button dwells. I have realized recently how often that button has been pushed over the last few years and how it has impacted my reaction to things. It has actually made me behave radically impulsive in my reactions as well as a bit paranoid...second guessing what has been said, or not said etc. It's not a good place to be and it certainly is not a good feeling. I discovered the depth of this feeling only recently and it was a big burst of awareness which I have shared with my husband. He was able to point out the validity of where these feelings have accumulated which more than anything made me feel better.

It is all a journey......we are all works in progress and can only give it our best shot given the circumstances we are in. God's Grace is most definately needed. (and felt on this end. :)


much2ponder said...

Been battling with some similar things the past two years...coming out of a dark place for the past 6 mos. Depression and all that, YUCK! I am at times "too in tune with my emotions and feelings" or so the people in my life say. Bless you my sister.

On a side note...have been meaning to ask you if you have read "The Shack" yet. I think you will truly enjoy it. I read it recently and did not want it to end. The imagery and characters are so real and vivid. If you have not read it, I suggest you buy it for yourself this Christmas:)

Niki said...

You know what fellow dreamer?
I am okay.
Are you?

Awareness said...

m2p...I have read the Shack. I friend of mine gave it to my husband and I a couple of months ago to read. We both read it and had a very interesting conversation about it with her and her husband over dinner one night. I've actually written about it....will try to find the post and send you the link.

Niki....I'm fine. Thank you for asking. Just trying to understand human dynamics. It's an ongoing conundrum for me. As for the rejection feelings? Now that I'm more aware that this is what is triggering me and impacting my actions, I can see it more clearly and am trying to manage my reactions in a healthier way. I didn't realize just how deep it went and how crazy it made me feel. It's going to take a while. :)

Rainbow dreams said...

It can be so incredibly difficult to understand someone's reactions, especially when there is silence involved too, but there is usually a reason behind behaviour if only we can find it.
Empathy and kindness are key to so much, and are highly concentrated - you often only need a small amount to make a huge difference :)

I'm good at the moment thanks, x

Ann Garci said...

Love. Not my love or the love I am capable of mustering up, but Gods love in me. That is what changed me. That is what makes me capable of opening my heart and my home to those who are broken. I suffered from depression for 23 years until I was healed this year in 2008. The Lord broke down barriers and walls I had constructed and through his immense love nurtured me to health. I ask him daily to give me his love so I can love others. Without his answered prayer I would be incapable of reaching out to others like he has called me to do. I virtually disliked most people. All of that has changed. I have a new found respect for men through God's eyes and a love for women that leaves me in a sobbing mess when I see and hear their painful stories. Scripture fortells that love will wax. It will slowly wane. Without God's love people will become more and more self focused, self indulgant, and de-synthisized to the pain and suffering going on around them. I see all of that happening already. All I can do and encourage others is to continue to ask God to give us his love for our brothers and sisters. Our love is contingent, His love is not. It is his love I want to display for it is his love that can change the world through me.

Awareness said...

Katie... couldn't agree more. Glad to know you're fine and that your busy days have calmed down a bit.

Ann...thank you so much for taking the time to share an integral part of your own faith . Uplifting, hopeful....wonderful! Amazing grace....:) I can almost feel the sense of unconditional love which has touched you in a deep place. Being the curious George that I am, I have a million questions! Was there a specific event/moment when you felt God's love so strongly?

Anonymous said...

I'm actually feeling a little bit introspective at the moment but that isn't a bad thing. In fact, on the whole I'm doing okay.

And what about you dear friend? It sounds as though you are having a bit of an internal struggle at the moment and you know Dana, I may be a million miles away from you but I am always right there beside you metaphorically speaking if you need a shoulder and just a good chat.

I worry about how self absorbed people seem to be getting and how little compassion there is to go round. I do know this though....there are a lot of good people in this world who just quietly go about doing their acts of kindness without fanfare or recognition. They are the people who will keep the wheels turning and stop the world from derailment.

Awareness said...

Gypsy...introspection is good too, until it wraps it's tentacles around ones netherbits and squeezes too hard. :)

I agree....there are many who are out there doing wonderful things without much fanfare. Communities thrive because of them.

I'm just getting over a nasty cold and trying to understand what happened to a friend who has dropped me like a heavy stone. I hope I hear from him again soon.

Awareness said...

however, i most likely pissed him off more by writing this piece. ah well.....

you know, i was thinking this morning that if people didn't know me, they'd probably be convinced i'm bi-polar. I do bleed a lot on this blog.

I'm fine, really.....just a bit overwhelmed with the season because my energy is not up to par.

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry to hear you are having a problem with a friend. It's always particularly disappointing when you are unaware of the reasons behind it. I hope everything gets straightened out soon.