Saturday, May 03, 2008

random yappy-ness


two simple threads
one is mine
the other is yours
begin to unravel in technicolour
wrapping like ivy around a trellis
leaving little purple blooms
in their wake.


I have a confession to make. I'm a random talker. In my mind it seems better than being a close talker or a slow starter or a non thinking talker I guess, but I believe it may be as irritating to some, especially those who have the strong need to begin and end one thought before they move onto another. Personally, those anal retentive types drive me to drink. In fact, when I find myself face to face with someone like this, I have a very difficult time focusing on the one note they need to play. I lose my train of thought. I have to really concentrate, especially if it's in a social situation, because my brain is tick ticking off in tangents.......so much so that i have to stifle the urge to WHOOOOSH.........take off on one of those topic tributaries.

I love the tributaries I guess.....stay on the main river and it's all been seen and heard before, but paddle down into an inlet and you never know where you'll find yourself.

It's not like I can't be linear when I'm communicating with someone. I am counsellor and trainer by trade for goodness sake. I have to be a bit disciplined. Though when I think about it now, the best counselling and training moments have been when things just flowed as it unfolded. However, as the lead in those situations I do have to be "on my game" or it would never make sense. I have to know what tributaries to pursue.
Writing is the same. If I want to get my point across, I have to stay within some kind of parameter or no one would read the tripe I write about. Not only that, I'd never finish anything. Random communication, whether it's speaking or writing has to have some concreteness to it. But if I had to describe my comfort zone, the place where I feel the most relaxed, it's when I don't have to reign myself in. I can let it fly, firing on all synapses without feeling like I have to slow down my ideas and thoughts.

I have a friend who used to be my supervisor and is now a sounding board support when I need him the most. What I love about him is his enthusiasm for ideas and his encouragement. He always takes the time to help me generate my abstract thoughts and the pictures in my head and somehow manages to encapsulate them and reflect them back to me. He allows me to be free to take flight, and I must admit that it always blows my mind when he is able to make some sense of what I have had to share with him! I always leave his office feeling so good.......especially after a long time in between connecting with him because as a random talker, I have a tendancy of storing it up until I have a chance to let it all hang out. Months can go by, and all of a sudden I wake up and have this unquenching urge to phone him and arrange to meet. It's like I've hit a saturation point and need to vent. Because he encourages me to use my brain and to unravel the ball of wool inside my head, I figure he must get some satisfaction out of the mental exercise. Or perhaps he's being nice. Maybe, he takes a swig of scotch just before I arrive in order to cope with my verbal discourse and then takes a nap when I leave!

Random talkers and thinkers definately need people in their lives who ground them. Thank God there are a few around me. What's interesting is that I am considered a "grounder" for some who seek me out. Maybe that's what mentoring is really about.

I also have a few friends socially whom I would label as random talkers. Its a breath of fresh air when I'm around them, and I have a feeling they feel the same way because they too can relax and let it flow as it unfolds. Tonight, one such friend was over for dinner......and it was an impromptu arrangement too. Personally I love spontaneity like that........to me it goes with the randomness. But for her, it was a huge deal to simple say yes on the spur of the moment. Maybe she also needed a night of random yapping. Well, I know she did, because we flew through 50 different topics all in one conversation. It was grand!


What is so interesting, and I realized this tonight in the middle of talking about something completely different is that most random conversations usually do have a theme, or they have a core to the subject matter which seems to rise up from the debris to be revisited time and again throughout an evening. This is what usually happens..........

The conversation will start up without any effort whatsoever.......usually beginning with sharing a common interest thing............"have you read that article..........." or "did you hear so and so interviewed the other day........." or "I saw something the other day and I thought of you because......" It's usually seems like it's going to be a one trick pony kind of chat, but with two random talkers? It turns into a buffet table covered in too many treats to consume. And yet, there is one big blossoming centrepiece which is revisited over and over. You just see it from different angles.

Tonight, the theme was the presence of faith and how it underlies all of our decisions, whether it's embraced or not. DEEEEEP! However it didn't have a feel of a dissertation. Rather, it was a culmination of shared thoughts that began the moment she arrived while standing in the kitchen as I poured the wine and prepared dinner and never stopped. It was GREAT.

Can I just make an aside point here in the middle of this post? Do you know difficult it is to write about random talking in a linear fashion?? HOLY! I have about 30 different examples and stories I want to explore and to share firing through my brain right now. Oh, and yes I have been asked if I was ever diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder.......by two random talkers! My response to them both? "I know you are but what am i??!" I mean really, who are they to ask such a question? :)

OK, back to the post......hmmmmmm.............



I'm thinking right now............right at this very minute.........that perhaps random isn't the way to describe it. From an insider view, it doesn't seem random at all. In fact, it seems more logical and more linear than other kinds of conversations. It just looks like it from the outside, because two random yappers somehow form a bubble around them. It's like the world has ceased as they connect on a level that transports. When you're in the bubble of thought, theres a union of the mind. Time races by unnoticed. Music playing in the background floats by. A whole drive somewhere happens without much gawking out the window of the car.

Most of the time, I'm aware of the fact when I'm with someone who isn't comfortable with this type of tete a tete. They find it tiring and mostly intimidating and if i'm not careful I can blow them away. I know this, because it's happened in the past when I have found myself on some tangent or am feeling restless and in need of a blood letting of thought. Can you see how writing and blogging is a friend for someone like me? It's a gift from the Big Guy, let me tell you.



Oh, I can spend inordinate amounts of time in my head and be very quiet. I love time alone not talking to anyone. I love spending time with someone I care about and not utter a word. I can putter about my day and not have a single indepth conversation and I'm completely fine about it. I hate talking on the phone, especially during the week after counselling/teaching all day long and when I'm in the middle of teaching a workshop, the last thing I want to do is head out for lunch with a group to rehash. I need to stay in the zone so to speak..........to stay focused so that I am at my best to lead a group through a learning process that will include many trips down tributaries.


Last night, one of the topics covered was my friend's recent trip with her husband to Victoria BC(who btw was having a random talk with my husband who I personally love having long undulating conversations with, he woo'd me that way). It's been many years since I spent a summer there working, so I had many questions and wanted to know much about their trip. She spoke of the long walk she and her husband took along the coast of the city. Such a beautiful place. Anyways, it reminded me of the boyfriend I had that summer and a walk we took and after my company had gone home, I started to unravel the memory.

We met in a bar. Nice start eh? Oh, and I should also add that he was a sailor. Yes, I met a sailor in a bar......big strappy muscle man sailor guy with a smile as.........? He asked me to dance. I consented. We danced one song and while we waited for the music to begin again, we began chatting........name, rank and serial number stuff.......for about 30 seconds and then he jumped into some topic of some sort and we were off to the races. We stood on the dance floor surrounded by others (can't remember if we danced again........I think we did) but we ended up talking and talking and talking, flying from one topic to another. We yapped for so long that all of his sailor buddies (who had dared him to ask me to dance) had left the BAR! After we got off the dance floor, we sat down at the empty table and continued until last call. We covered the gamut.....including as I recall a long conversation about morse code of all things! He had just placed first in some morse code competition, which personally I found hilarious but also curious about and given that his buddies had filled him up with good west coast beer, and given that he was way more extroverted than even me, he regaled me with story upon hilarious story!



A couple of weeks later, after he returned to port..........does this not sound like a dime store novel???.......... he called me and asked me out. We decided to meet downtown in Victoria at a tearoom since we lived on opposite ends of the city. We sat in the corner drinking tea..........drinking tea with a sailor!..........and the time flew by. We had much in common........ interests, where we had grown up, dreams etc. After what seemed like 5 minutes but was more like three hours, we closed the tearoom and headed out for a walk. Our random chatter accompanied us as we walked along the cliffs of the Victoria harbour taking in the view of Mount Baker located across the way in Washington state. The wind was blowing, the sky was big and the path we walked on was sometimes so narrow that we had to go single file. At one point, we crossed a crevice walking along a huge log. We continued sharing our thoughts over the din of the wind until we found an alcove cut into the side of the cliff looking outward.......big enough for the two of us to sit in and take in the view. It was breathtakingly beautiful.



We both went comfortably silent in the blare of the wind....the randomness had left us while we took in the view of the crashing waves and moving clouds. My own thoughts revolved around how large the universe looked from this vantage point and how small I felt in the middle of it. I also felt so alive and knew i would never forget the moment as i lived it. My random talking sailor? He turned to me and echoed my own thoughts.........."even though I feel so small right now in this big vast world, I feel so alive. There is no other place I'd rather be." Just what a girl wants to hear from her sailor man. :)

We had begun our conversation jumping around like two crazy people, but we ended up in just the right place. This is what happens most of the time with two random talkers. It may not look like they know where they are going, but for the most part they end up where they should be.


5 comments:

OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

Oh I LOVE this post! I think that I must be and must know, MOSTLY Random talkers...Maybe it has something to do with the creative spirit...And the fact that you need to be able to go off on 'flights of fancy' a lot of the time....to move in any direction and spontaneously...And I must say that most of the people are incredibly disciplined, as well---A great combination for Colaborative Projects, like working on a play....
I had one dear dear friend for 35 years---until he died..who was a random thinker and talker and we had the BEST times in the whole world. There was more to the relationship than that, but from the moment I met him when I was 19 and he had just turned twenty, till he died, 35 years later...we were soul mates. He is someone I miss every day of my life. But I am deeply grateful that most ALL those that I am close to are people who lose time when we are together, because we go "off" to wherever our conversations take us....!
It sounds like you had a GREAT GREAT Evening, and how wonderful that your husband is one of these special people. That dear sailor, too!

kenju said...

I think Naomi is right; it must have something to do with creativity. I am the same way, and any conversation can have 50 million ways of ending, if you follow all the tangent paths you think of while talking....LOL

I just read a post of a person who could surely use your expertise. Too bad you don't know her and live close by!

kenju said...

P.S. You also made me remember a special sailor I met one day, but our thing was dancing. I was taken by friends to a club on the naval base in Norfolk, VA. This guy asked me to dance and we danced every dance for almost 3 hours that night. We didn't talk much, but we sure did communicate with dance.....LOL. I never saw him again.

Awareness said...

Naomi....I knew you and I were alike that way! I hadn't thought about the creativity aspect though and you're absolutely right! I thought about the people in my life whom I take off on tangents with, and for the most part, they are the creative individuals ....big imaginations, big ideas, keen to create. And then, when it comes down to the creative collaborative stuff, focused on the task, but open to look at it from various angles.

My favourite random yappy friend is someone I only met a couple of years ago. He was the one who encouraged me to write again and helped me set up this blog. Our conversations, which never seem to have any closure....open ended creativity.....always provoke ideas and thoughts that often end up being spewed out here!

I find that with the friends here whom I connect with that way, we end up talking about business ideas too....or I come up with a book idea from the discourse. On Sat. night, my friend Caroline and I decided that what may be needed is a humourous follow up book on the Peter Principle.....how random is that? However, my mind has been spinning on the idea and NOW I have to get a copy of the book and re-read it so I can see how I could jump off from it.

Judy. I KNEW you would be a great random talker! Good to know. I would love to talk to you about many things.......from faith to flowers and everything in between.

oh, and I was thinking after i posted this that all good girls should have a sailor in their past! :)

Gypsy said...

No sailors in my past but plenty of random talkers. I'm reminded of my sisters actually....this is exactly how we are when we get together. Our husbands lament than when we are together they may as well stay home as they can't get a word in edgewise anyway.....this post made me laugh.