"We all must hold the cups of our lives. As we grow older and become more fully aware of the many sorrows of life -- personal failures, family conflicts, disappointments in work and social life, and the many pains surrounding us on the national and international scene -- everything within and around us conspires to make us ignore, avoid, suppress, or simply deny those sorrows. "Look at the sunny side of life and make the best of it," we say to ourselves and hear others say to us. But when we want to drink the cups of our lives, we need first to hold them, to fully acknowledge what we are living, trusting that by not avoiding but befriending our sorrow we will discover the true joy we are looking for right in the midst of our sorrows. " Henri Nouwen.
I had many coversations yesterday through various venues........on the phone, face to face, through the internet, across the table, standing in line, when i was ordering tea at the Deli, in my office, in my home and in the van driving 5 boys to baseball tryouts (that one was a keeper, and will blog about it separately!). I had a great chat in the evening in the garden with a friend which stirred up lots of feelings. I think I even had a few conversations with myself...........don't know if I listened more than that I rambled on, but they seemed like good chats nonetheless.
Interactions, conversations, updates, thoughts shared................love them all because it is what fills my cup of life. Big feelings, little moments, wondering........all meaningful droplets into my goblet.
One of my student interns and I discussed whether altruism really exists. Thought provoking! We agreed that it didn't, even if you were Mother Teresa.
Over lunch with two of my dearest friends from work who have since retired, we tackled big heart stuff as well as shared more than a few bawdy laughs. If you had walked into my friend's kitchen during our lovely lunch, you may have thought you had walked into a conversation with three sailors............the expletives and colourful language would've taken the hair right off of your chest.......! But, it was a blowing steam kind of lunch filled with eye brimming tears and doubled over laughing and stuff in between.
Kibittzing and joking in the office................and some serious work too all brought people flowing in and out of my day. I love that.
I spoke to a woman on the phone to book an appointment to see me. So anxious is she to come in, she spilled a great deal of her story in the first 2 minutes of our very first connection. She needs to tell it...........and I told her I would be all hers next week for as long as she needed. It's what I do. It's what I love to do.
Lots of chatter at home too......updates, organizing stuff, sharing how we're feeling..........how's it going.......touching base.....always touching base. Home interactions begin and end my day..........like beautiful bookends of belonging.
We fill our cups daily with joys and sorrows, with frustrations and yearnings, with anger and confusion, with curiosity and craziness. And by sharing our cups, and by adding to others and allowing others to spill their reflections into our own, we link arms in kinship as we toast life's reflections. Personal fulfillment needs other human touch to add the silver clarity we yearn.
Yes, it seemed like a "three cupper" day..............a silver goblet day filled to the brim......
I'm off to see what today brings................and wonder what I can take to the party.
10 comments:
I'd be interested to hear more about the conversation about altruism and how you came to your conclusion.
Sleeping Daisy! I wondered if I could slide that little opinion into this piece without much notice!
Our conversation began by looking at the role of the counsellor (it was a discussion I was having with my student intern) and the importance of why one chooses the field........how important it is to understand one's own motivation and needs.
I brought up William Glasser's Choice theory....how all behaviour is our best attempt to fulfill one or more of the 5 needs we have....survival, love and belonging, freedom, fun, empowerment/control.......that if this is to describe the "clients" behaviour that it also has to describe our own.
will write more later. my son needs the computer........... :)
What a day and what a life in tune to the people around you. It says more about the wonderful soul that you are because you pay attention and are present. I think that is one of the greatest spiritual qualities a person can exhibit---even it is not done altruistically :) The people in your everyday life are blessed to know you.
I love this post and can feel the sparkles coming of it. You must be a real chatterbox. I don't meet so many people but enjoy regularly conversation with some in mylife. I also know how hard it is when you can't share. My husband and daughter are private people and don't share much and that is frustrating sometimes but I try to respect it.
I don't know if a pure form of altruism exist but how there is surely a differnce between people in their share of altruism
ok.........i'm back! to continue...
S. Daisy.....knowing that all behaviour is our best attempt to fulfill a need in ourselves, there seems to be a reason behind the behaviour......plus any action is attached to feeling....even if we believe in commiting ourselves to sharing our love through random acts of kindness, we have not only thought through WHY we have decided to do this (it FEELS GOOD perhaps) or we wouldn't have the motivation. If we decide to offer up our life to Christ, we are choosing to do so for many reasons, but the way I see it there has to be a sense of satisfaction........whether it's coming from a sense of love and belonging or it's coming from a place of survival.
We chatted about a bunch of examples, and neither she or i could drum up on example of true altruism.
We are selfish beings....but there is a line between selfish behaviour to fill a wide cup of nasty pride and selfishness tied to awareness, goodness and feeling good about our accomplishments. I used to work in a hospital child life program in Toronto years ago. My role was to deliver a sensory stimulation program for children who were multiply handicapped. I LOVED this job and love developing the program.....loved spending every day with these kids bringing the world to them. Because of their severe limitations, it was rarely clear if the efforts I put in made a difference.....most were lost so far away in a different realm. I thought about my motivation a lot.....struggled with understanding what it was in me that motivated me to work with these kids knowing i did feel very very good about my work. It wasn't the feedback from my boss or the hospital staff....because they were simply glad someone wanted this "thankless job" ...... honestly, it was the first time someone had been hired to work directly with them.
In order to recruit volunteers too, I needed to know the type of person who would be not only comfortable with working with these beautiful children.....but that they were able to go home knowing they made a difference, or with some satisfaction from the connections.
this is one of the stories i thought of while we talked.....
One night, I was sitting by myself with a little one about 18 months old. She was at the centre for a week to give her parents a reprieve. This little one was born with only a brain stem. She couldn't see, hear, think or care for herself at all. she was tubefed to keep her alive. I initially struggled BIG TIME with her presence (I was only in my early 20's then).....why was she still alive??
That night, I wondered what was the point of including her in the evening bedtime program......what was she going to get out of it? Before I rounded up the other wee ones, all were at different levels of cognitive awareness and physical ability......I took this little girl out of her wheelchair and held her in my arms while sitting in a lounge chair outside in a park area behind the hospital. Just she and I.......
At first it seemed like a duty thing.....but very quickly, as I held her, I looked at her face and saw perfection....she had the most angelic beautiful little face with the longest eyelashes and the most beautiful soft skin.....
my thinking shifted right away....because my feelings were enlightened......i realized that not only was touch providing her with as much love as i could share with her.....it was offering me the same. I gained insight, an openness in my thinking....an awareness that I had no right to ask why she was still alive. I learned more in that hour rocking this little one.....feeling warmth and her life..... there was a big reason why i was not only given the time to be alone with her quietly just she and I (normally I had 5 or 6 kids at the same time), I learned big lessons I was hungry to learn.
It's alright as far as I'm concerned to be honest with our own needs and learning.....altruism as far as I'm concerned is a farce.
Tim....thank you.......but I believe we all have this capacity to be aware of the connections we make, whether it's standing in line at the grocery store, or in a deep conversation with a closer person in your life....AND I know you can relate to this given the vocation you embrace with your heart and soul!
It's no wonder I escape to my computer to write or crash early on Friday evening because of exhaustion.....believe me I rarely answer the phone by the time I get home!!
I was speaking to my other student today about boundaries and such (a blogpost for another day.....LOVE the conversations I'm having with my two students....it's fueling me like I havent been fueled in a long time!!) We also spoke of how important it is to have the weekends to chill OUT! He's been busy over the past weekends and he's feeling the need to recharge. When one is in the frontlines, self care is very very important don't you think?
London was definately a big part of this person's spring cleaning....and self care!
Marja.....One of the fascinating things for me about my trip to London was a day I spent walking on my own, and am trying to find the words right now to post something on it.....there i was surrounded in a city of many people, many activities, and many opportunities to converse, connect, reach out.....I had no interest........it was a day to converse with myself I guess. The only person I had a deeper conversation with during the whole day until I met up with PIP (for champagne, tea and scones!!!!! LOVED IT) was a homeless guy begging for money. I asked him for directions and we chatted it up a bit. I tipped him for his help.
So, there are days and weekends where I stay very cloistered and quiet in my head.....keeping my thoughts to myself.......and then there are days like this one (and today too, btw) which is BRIMMING with silver goblet filling.
i think it was emerson who said that sorrow makes us children again..... something about that i like
paul.......that emmerson. would love to have met him. i believe any deep and even wicked feelings allows us be children again. Their taste buds for everything is that much more acute. I think that's why it's so difficult for some to strip away their adult sleeves.....it opens them up to the vulnerability of childhood.
me? I don't mind it at all.... :)
Hi Dana, because I was interested in your answer about alruism I was impressed by your answer to daisy.
Altruism is a selfless concern about others and sure you get something out of it. Nothing is more fulfilling. But is is still selfless because you could have chosen a much easier life. You are a very confident lady but a the same time far too modest.
marja....i kind of wonder if i chose my vocation or it chose me. :)
i believe any act is an act with ties to it.....and any interaction fills needs in both parties...no matter where, when, why or how it happens.
Post a Comment