Thursday, December 27, 2007

yearnings






There is a man who walks everyday all through town. He's a regular sight, as he walks along the side of the road. Not slow, nor is his pace fast. Rather, it seems to be constant........the same number of steps a minute, the same lope, the same space between his steps. Hands in his pockets, eyes averting the world, he walks all day long. It must be all day long because he is seen at all hours of the day, often on the same route. A circular journey within the town limits.


I often wonder if his true yearnings stretch beyond his ordinary expectations as he walks endlessly. Is he wrestling with a turmoil that knows no bounds? Does he walk in search of a place to hide from the truth? Or, is he looking for a home to rest his head in love? Will he ever find that illusive soft belly love?


There is an unquenchable thirst when one is drinking from a fountain of dreams isn't there? Discontented ache in our hungry bones scramble to seek satisfaction and serenity as we yearn for calm, as we long for peace. Is this man walking to fill his soul with eternal sentiments rather than the dark cold brought on by absence and loneliness? Will he ever find comfort? What would happen if he stopped walking, would his ache and yearnings swallow him whole? I think they may and I find it very sad. His whole life, days on end, is an endless walk.


We may think we are uniquely different than this man, who seeking for a lost soul. But, I think we are more alike than we want to admit. Our yearnings are the same. Some of us may have found the serenity captured in the sacred messiness of our lives. Some of us may have found the ingredients to be able to remain journeying in the present day. But, my feeling is that most of us find ourselves stretched by our holy yearnings, our unquenching desires that consume us in restlessness. Luckily for the most part, these strong pulling longings come and go. We do find some solace when we can reach the pinnacle of internal security.





Prayer helps us find grounding


Harnessing our yearnings to use the energy bursting from them helps us to determine real goals.


Interactions with others who love us unconditionally stave off the wandering lustfulness that yearnings can nuture.


Fulfilling our sexual appetites with someone whom we can reach heightened stirrings and deep sleep calm with most certainly helps.


Seeking out the attainment of peace through our decisions and choices on our journey most definately helps us integrate the dream filled yearnings with expectations.


Knowing and seeing an enduring light, sometimes openly bright, and sometimes through a tiny crack helps us find recognition and connection with our Higher power.


It is when our yearnings capture our innermost thoughts and hold them at ransom that we are in trouble. If all of a sudden we find ourselves walking and walking with the same pace, the same lope, in a perseverative circle in our thinking, the shackles of restless temptation take hold. It's hard to break free because all of a sudden, the yearnings produce big shadows that block the light, that affect our choices, that lead us down a prickly path of discontent. We lose sight of our real lives, and of our comfort zone. The throbbing ache accumulated through the endless walking and searching settles into your bones and eats away at any stored energy, leaving an absence. And absence is painful.

The walking man never stops, and yet is he accomplishing anything? No he isn't, except perhaps he's able to find some semblance of balance that keeps his mental illness at bay. However, he doesn't have time to do anything else, like trying to connect with another human being, like stopping at the church to pray quietly. He seems to be a part of the community because he's visible, but what we see is the outer casing walking by. He lives on the periphery and remains on the periphery of society..........walking off his unrelenting yearnings.


The only way to be in control of our own longings and desires is to be fully aware of them as we can. If we know that all yearnings want to push down the path to contentment, harmony, serenity and peace...........that all we want is to find the soft belly love, the warmth of companionship, the sense of belonging soaked in the succulence of a life lived, we need to learn to stop, sit and enjoy the view for a while to learn how to just be.
Right in the present moment of life............
what are your restless yearnings?

18 comments:

OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

Michele sent me here tonight--Or I sgould say this early morning here in Los Angeles....Your post reminded me of a man I knew a very long time ago who suffered with Alzheimrs and he used to walk miles and miles and miles...And he was not a young man, but the strength he had for this endless walking was incredible....A 'caregiver' followed him at adistance so as not to disrurb his "need" to move freely through the city....! Maybe he had yearnings he could not express ij words? I don't know. But that's all I could think of as I read your post, was Bill.

Disillusioned said...

Thanks, Dana. This ties in to and validates my own sense of where I am just now.

Gypsy said...

This reminded me of an old man who walks the streets of the town where my daughters dance. I seem to see him everywhere I go and he gets around with the help of a walking frame. Sometimes he just sits and stares into space and he often sleeps in the park. Many local people have offered to let him sleep on their premises so he will be safe but he always refuses. The confusing thing is he actually has a home of his own but won't stay there since his wife died. Very, very sad.

Kamsin said...

There used to be a man who would wander all over the Forest near where I grew up. You'd see him in different towns often several miles apart, always walking. Everyone knew him as Christopher Robin (as in from Winnie-the-Pooh), but I've no idea who he actually was. I'm sure he must be dead by now.
But yeah, great thoughts. Our yearnings can end up controlling us if we don't learn how to control them and harness them to bring us the life we all want and need.

Awareness said...

Hey Naomi.....the ache of searching sometimes causes more strength than we realize dont you think? It propels us forward, though sometimes with no clear destiny and no acknowledgement of consequences. For your rambling Bill...the strength he acquired must've been amazing.....Alzheimers is a nasty disease. I have seen how it impacted my father in law....it was like his personality was expanded upon. Always a driven and stubborn man when it came to what he wanted in life, his stubbornness was exacerbated by the disease......in some ways it made him fight it, and in other ways, it made him ignore the symptoms and hide them from us for a long time to the detriment of his well being.

Caroline....I know you're struggling to find your way again and it's very difficult to even want to be in the moment living life, when the yearnings are to find order and control again. Take care......glad this helped in your understanding of where you are at.

Gypsy. I think one of the saddest experiences is not feeling like one's home is the safe peaceful comforting place it used to be. When it become symbolic and connected to sadness, tragedy, grief.......as it often does after the death of a loved one, or a divorce, it's very difficult to stay under that roof. It's almost like the air has been vacuumed out of it.....and it becomes a claustrophic feeling box.
We may not feel this about our physical space where we live, but I do believe we all experience the sense of feeling stuck and claustrophic in our own heads when we are struggling with unrelenting yearnings.

Kamsin.......good to see you again. I was wondering about you just this week. How coincidental! I agree....we need to harness our wants and desires instead of allowing them to lead us.

I find it very interesting that we all know someone in our community who is out there walking, in search of meaning. Perhaps they are in our periphery for a reason. Perhaps they represent everyman in our inherent desire to seek out answers, to find inner calm.

Barbara (aka Layla) said...

There is so much truth and insight in this post! I have been so restless lately, so unable to harness or even indentify exactly what it is I am suppose to be "doing".

"It is when our yearnings capture our innermost thoughts and hold them at ransom that we are in trouble"

Excellent writing as always my friend.

Tony Myles said...

I like this... the balance for me is figuring out how to reconcile it with the Scripture that says "The heart is deceitful above all things - who can understand it?" Sometimes the yearnings in our heart are of us, and sometimes of God. The key is knowing the difference.

OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

Hi Awarenes....Michele sent me back to you tonight, and I am so glad she did so I could read what you said.....It is so interesting that you mention this aspect of Alzheimers in regard to your Father-In-Law, because this was true for Bill, in certain ways, too.....When he was younger we would all sit around having these passionate discussions and Bill felt very strongly about many things, but....we noticed that he would get on a "jag" about something and then chew it over and over till pretty soon, no one knew what he was talking about....Of course this happened to the extreme when the Alzheimers set in, and got worse and worse.....But I remember saying to someone, that the seeds of this had been there, 25 or more years before.....Amazing!
And I do think he was walking to get someplace that none of us understood, at all.....Though his wife understood that it was better to let him walk himself exhausted then to try and stop him....The 'caregiver' once there, could at least keep an eye on him on these very extended walks...Before there was a caregiver, Bill would walk and would not come back for many many hours, sometimes the police would find him the next day still walking, though not as briskly.....This disease is certainly a terrible terrible one....!

I saw where you said you watched "WAITRESS"...I have it and am planning to watch it, tonight.
Have you seen "AWAY FROM HER"? BEAUTIFUL film...very very touching and Julie Christie is just perfection, in every way---It is a stunning performance....! I am thrilled she is up for quite a few Awards...She deserves to win!
This is the story of a couple, struggling with the effects of Alzheimers....!

Awareness said...

Layla.......thanks. We all get restless feet.....irritations inside get refreshed......things are poured onto our secure self assurance.....lost wanderings sometimes help us make decisions. It's always so wonderful to feel again the clarity of harnessing our yearnings.

Tony. Welcome. I agree....sometimes they are in line and sometimes we have wandered off and allowed our heart to lead by temptations. We're only human.......all of us learning our way aren't we? Hopefully our values and teachings remain the foundation of our decisions.

I think that's why it's so important to take the time to let ourselves be in order to evaluate our yearnings before we succumb to impulsive acts.

Naomi........Away From Her is most definately on my list of movies to see. have been meaning to since it was release at the Toronto Film Festival last September. Thanks for reminding me.........

Rainbow dreams said...

I like this post - it also reminds me of a walker I once knew...
Yearning is such a heart felt thing - whereas dreams are more cerebral and I wonder if this is where the heart and mind can sit alongside each other and guide one another - one to push forward and one to keep check...
Am also reminded that our yearnings aren't always for what we want but don't yet have, they can be for that which we have left behind too...
Sorry I have taken time to comment - sometimes the brain takes a while to process thoughts..:)

Awareness said...

Hi Katie. I never thought of where yearnings and dreams dwell. I guess I had clumped them in the same spot. Perhaps yearnings turn into dreams.....can we go from the heart to the brain.....or maybe we need both in sync to be able to turn them into an accessible goal? I don't know. Just musing...
I was thinking too that yearnings often take us backwards.....the longings of what could've been. That can be just as emotionally mind blowing as unrequited yearnings of the future cant it?

Rainbow dreams said...

I suppose that grief is a yearning too then...just thinking... :)

LittleWing said...

interesting post ... as a walker i find it soothing... there is a lot there to contemplate.. thank you

anthonynorth said...

I think we all walk like this - if only in our minds.

Rambler said...

There is an unquenchable thirst when one is drinking from a fountain of dreams isn't there

amazing use of words..

Marja said...

What an amazing flow of thoughts running by from seeing somebody pass by and what an amazing worduse again "drinking from a fountain of dreams"
I do think that the energy coming from our desires are pushing us forwards

tumblewords said...

Wonderfully informative and provocative post!

gautami tripathy said...

Yearnings..we all have yearnings. It manifests in so many ways. However, too much of it for wrong reasons Is destruictive

Housing my soul