I have taken a step back to review. It's what feels right on the last day of the year.....in fact I have a tough time even contemplating ringing in another year without a chance to reflect on what has passed by, and what I had a chance to grab onto before the wind took it down river.
The writing shared on my blog, the beautiful quotes I have found along the way, my own musings and ALL of the wonderful insights, feedback, thoughts and feelings left in the comment section by you has fed me like a Sunday brunch buffet. Rereading the posts and comments of this past year has stirred up new ideas, as well as the desire to expand on some of the same themes. Learning is that way isn't it? Learning is like a daisy chain, all interconnected, lovely and potentially never ending. Or perhaps learning is more of a multi-coloured, multi-layered tablet of construction paper waiting for creativity to do it's magic. However one wants to look at it, we are always adding to or using previous learning as a hitching post.
We seem to have covered a lot of ground this year. And yet, I'm left with the thought that we only ever show and see glimpses of one another. It makes me wonder if we ever really know another person.......if we ever really have the opportunity to truly know ourselves as deeply as we can. Like winter, our whole story doesn't show. Some of who we are is buried under the snow.....laying dormant, not dead.........just dormant. Some of who we are is waiting to be discovered.
I have found many gems tucked in the comments that people have taken the time to leave. Amazing little gems......of self disclosure, of feelings, even of quotes which resonated with them in a meaningful way.......to be shared. The interactions played out through blogging is what makes me return to the buffet table time and again. When I try to explain to someone outside of this medium looking in, it feels like an ongoing discussion found in a university classroom. I feel like I am taking the best course I have ever taken..........self-initiated, self-directed and yet interconnected and interdependent on the generosity of others who regularly or intermitedly pop into the same venue. It seems like a safe place to try out new ideas, new concepts......new ways of expressing an old concept. It is a place where one can dig a little deeper under the snow to add nutrients and warmth to a dormant side of oneself.
A dear friend whom I have met through this medium shared his feelings about knowledge and wisdom. He wrote that "perhaps wisdom begins with fear............that a healthy scare of imperfection ain't such a bad thing. " As always, his comment when he left it made me think and it continues to make me think.......
Perhaps we are sometimes too afraid of looking in the cracked mirror where our imperfections glare back at us that stops us from wanting to see anything beyond the superficial glimpses. Too scary and too ugly? Too messy under the snow.........? And yet, isn't it worth recognizing imperfection because of what lays behind it? Isn't that where pure beauty is found in all it's formations?
There are bright yellow crocuses laying dormant under that snow.
There is pure beauty in our enlightenment, especially if it is shared. How I learn and what I learn is by sharing it with others. I can keep my ruminations to myself and allow them to accumulate silently, or I can take a chance to elaborate on them, messy and ugly as they may be in order to see them from a different angle..........and in order to receive feedback and reinforcing encouragement.........in order to figure it out.
I feel a bit satiated right now......and a wee bit stunned by some of the pieces I had written and forgotten about. Not the lessons.......or the topics..........just that somewhere along the line I had found the words (or the words found me more like it) to express it. Thoughts and ideas were definately generated by what I have read on other's blogs, and by the comments left on my own. Rereading them has reinforced my belief in the interconnectedness and interdependence of community........and how important that is.
So, I thank you for feeding me with colourful threads of ideas to stitch into my imagination.
The words I managed to capture? They are a gift.........and I am the vessel, as they continue to pour out at an alarming rate! Over the course of the year, I have tried to recite prayers which I found comfortable with as a way to step a little closer to God. I thought that maybe if I knew the words more succinctly.........off by heart..........that maybe I would feel the power of prayer which I read about. It would become a meditation through which I can connect to a Higher Power. I will continue to pursue this........seeking out the right prayer, the one that fits. But, the more I think about it, the more I realize that writing is my prayer to God. Writing is my prayer shawl. It is where I seem to be able to share a more vulnerable side of who I am. It is where I find my purpose and focus. It is where I feel He meets with me and offers the cracked mirror which reflect back to me a healthy scare of imperfections. And you know what? It sure ain't a bad thing now is it Mr. Harbour?
Happy New Year. May our worlds collide, coincide, and interconnect throughout 2008. I look foward to where the journey will lead.