On top of the world."For all of us who are alive, life is the real issue. Yet so often we judge our existence by the things that happen to us—by whether things are going our way or not. Sometimes we feel strong—strong enough to dictate our future. Sometimes we feel that we can make things happen. Then there are times when we feel totally helpless. But through all the dramas and bumps, there is life. There is the very powerful, very existence of every single human being”
I love the internet. It's chock full of gems we can mine for our own personal ruminations. This particular quote is the nugget I found this morning as I was searching for a lesson in perspective... a way of leveling out my intense feelings over my situation in my work life.
Friday morning, I found myself vibrating with frustration and anger which reached a crescendo that even scared me. I don't scare easily especially when it comes to the expression of emotion, so that's saying somethin'. I have learned, often the hard way, how much someone in my life can absorb or reflect feelings. Sometimes I express myself too deeply, or I say too much and have found that I am misunderstood or I have frightened them off so I do my best to gauge it, but sometimes it just spills out of me........it pours out of me. I'm not good at wearing masks and playing a role that doesn't feel completely genuine to me. That doesn't mean that I can't be diplomatic. I can. What it does mean is that I react, whether it's internally or expressed, to anyone who is not genuine and honest with their feelings.
I'm impatient with phonies......people who are living behind a thick papier mache mask trying to hide their faults rather than being honest with themselves and the rest of us who are impacted by their inability to admit their imperfections.........their true nature. It seems to me that if one is using all their energy to project an image of themselves that is dishonest, they have no energy left to do anything else. I know they are wounded. I get that. What I won't accept is when it's all covered in wordy gobbledeegook thrown my way.
We all feel helpless at times. That's life. Vulnerability is a naked merciful openness.....like tender new skin over a wound. It needs fresh air before a dressing can go on it. This weekend, I let it air while staying busy living life. Tonight, after a weekend of ruminations and contemplations and talking out my frustrations with people close to me , after a weekend of also getting stuff done........I'm ready to tackle the week. Still feeling a little raw, but with the knowledge that I have a say in my destiny. I can make things happen........................watch out!!
Oh...........and if I was elected Premier of this fine Province..........the first thing I would do is outlaw middle management, and pronounce to all..........."That's life! Move on!!"
I love the internet. It's chock full of gems we can mine for our own personal ruminations. This particular quote is the nugget I found this morning as I was searching for a lesson in perspective... a way of leveling out my intense feelings over my situation in my work life.
Friday morning, I found myself vibrating with frustration and anger which reached a crescendo that even scared me. I don't scare easily especially when it comes to the expression of emotion, so that's saying somethin'. I have learned, often the hard way, how much someone in my life can absorb or reflect feelings. Sometimes I express myself too deeply, or I say too much and have found that I am misunderstood or I have frightened them off so I do my best to gauge it, but sometimes it just spills out of me........it pours out of me. I'm not good at wearing masks and playing a role that doesn't feel completely genuine to me. That doesn't mean that I can't be diplomatic. I can. What it does mean is that I react, whether it's internally or expressed, to anyone who is not genuine and honest with their feelings.
I'm impatient with phonies......people who are living behind a thick papier mache mask trying to hide their faults rather than being honest with themselves and the rest of us who are impacted by their inability to admit their imperfections.........their true nature. It seems to me that if one is using all their energy to project an image of themselves that is dishonest, they have no energy left to do anything else. I know they are wounded. I get that. What I won't accept is when it's all covered in wordy gobbledeegook thrown my way.
We all feel helpless at times. That's life. Vulnerability is a naked merciful openness.....like tender new skin over a wound. It needs fresh air before a dressing can go on it. This weekend, I let it air while staying busy living life. Tonight, after a weekend of ruminations and contemplations and talking out my frustrations with people close to me , after a weekend of also getting stuff done........I'm ready to tackle the week. Still feeling a little raw, but with the knowledge that I have a say in my destiny. I can make things happen........................watch out!!
Oh...........and if I was elected Premier of this fine Province..........the first thing I would do is outlaw middle management, and pronounce to all..........."That's life! Move on!!"
8 comments:
I know exactly how you feel! Sometimes I wonder why we are supposed to be positive all the time. It just isn't human nature to be that way. It's tiresome. If you aren't positive you're labelled "negative" and negative people don't get promoted, acknowledged or respected. Sometimes "negativity" is just a word people use against you because they are afraid. They are afraid that if you begin going against the grain that the other sheep will follow you and that would get all the squirrels all in a tither!!!! Negativity can be the label placed on the opposing view. Management does not always like to have a minion disagree so by calling them negative it puts fear into the others....an opiate for the masses.
I get mad. I get angry. I've been called unprofessional even when it really wasn't warranted.
It's funny that so many have been telling me what grace I have had in the past few months since my mother's death and comment on how well I seem to be handling it. These are sometimes the same people that call me unprofessional all in the same breath.
Yea, I am taking the weekend to try to get over a few things too and by Monday morning I should be ready to go. Thank goodness for weekends.
Get ready to pay up...Ozzy is going to win and I am going to be raking in the doe!!!!!!!!!!
Too true life carries on regardless and not one of us can stop it to get off...
Thank heaven for weekends, time and space whenever we can get it, to recharge and time when wounds can heal.
Its hard working with people who have their masks on so firmly you can't get behind them. Those who are always keeping up appearances.
I know that governs the type of work I choose to do, purposely veering towards those whose masks are down. Somehow it's just more straightforward. That doesn't account for management though!
Am pleased your weekend has been revitalising. Sometimes it is the trigger that is needed to spark necessary change - have a good week, Katie
Jen......you are too funny! Ozzie still has to win the last immunity or he is going to be turfed!!!
(i'm posting during commercial...:)) First of all I love your spunk......
Secondly.......I have yet to see you exhibit negativity.....you have nailed the issue though.......honesty and directness mislabelled.
Thirdly......you have and continue to amaze me with the grace and openness you have shown while you grieve. I am learning from you.
Fourthly.........I hold the cash prize!!! Be nice to me :) heeheeh
Katie!!! Merry, merry.....
I can totally relate to your comments.......like you, I choose to work with people who have place to hide themselves......
I will visit your site after Survivor finale!!!
Back to the basics, Awareness, stop mooning over Ozzie like a love sick schoolgirl like my daughter is doing.
Now, what is your take on the NB government's move to lessen the paper work on the social workers by hiring a bunch of leagal aid types?
Wow Dana, I'm glad you were able to process that through. And remind me never to piss you off!
I touched a little on this topic in my post today - it's actually dated for tomorrow because it's my one year anniversary post and I already know i won't have time tomorrow to write it.
Anyway, I went into a little about how I never really knew myself, about how I was trying to be what I thought others expected me to be and how I could never sustain the charade. It damn near killed me.
Part of what saved me from me is spiritual. It was a key component that allowed me to have some acceptance about many, many things. From that starting point, the work began in earnest.
Ideally, I would like to have the level of faith that, whatever comes my way, I know I'll be ok - and I'll know that regardless of any possible conclusion to said event. I'm not there, but I am way better than I ever was.
I am of the opinion that faith can not happen all at once. I know this is so for me. It takes experience, trial and error, contemplation and revelation. Insight, for me, never happens overnight, but often culminates in one moment.
And it is the experiences such as the one you have described that can either reinforce ones faith or destroy it. You see, Dana, for me it matters not whether there is a God or not. It is completely irrelevantly. But the belief in a creative force in the universe - one that is, in my opinion, the power of pure love - that gets me through. I believe, and that's all i need.
Mike
Hey Canuckguy....Merry Christmas.
Survivor......yeah.....Yul won......must be because of the time of year....he has the right name. I actually had jonathon the shit disturber in the pool at work, which is kind of funny given this post topic! Today we "pool" people will gather to hand over the cash prize.
As for the SW'ers getting some admin help.......I agree. In fact, I facilitated a group looking at various options for a more efficient service delivery...this was key in allowing them to get to their real work. Court documentation had been somehow moved from Justice to FCS years ago. This is a good compromise.
Hi Mike.......nice to "see" you again. I agree with you....it is times like these.... I seem to have many of them in this work scenario. I fear I am in a poisoned space right now. It can make or break but since I am determined to continue working with this clientele, I will have to pull up my faith and carry on....oh and lobby for outlawing middle management. Good thing I'm a multi-tasker.
Take good care......I'll visit your site later today........
I found myself nodding intently as I read this entry. I, too, don't suffer fools wisely. I am incapable of burying my emotions. Rather, I wear them on my sleeve.
It has caused me a fair amount of pain over the years, but I'd rather it get out there and be dealt with than fester underneath the surface. I don't understand how some folks can internalize such things.
I hope the doofii who irk you change their wicked ways soon.
Welcome Carmi......good to know there are other expressive beings out there! Writing is such a great outlet, n'est pas?
The doofi......doofed again today big time. However, since I had decided to say the word Hallelujah today in my head......well, the error of her ways made me laugh. Honestly, it worked!!!
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