Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Not Selling Myself Short.......


Patience is the companion of wisdom
Saint Augustine
It feels like it has been more than two days since my new blog, Grace Notes made it's debut. Yesterday morning, I found myself feeling like I had entered a road race with a bunch of bloggers I didn't even know, let alone know their personal motivations. Why? It seemed like the new site where Grace Notes dwells is set up to highlight bloggers who post furiously often and the ones who will be posting a couple of pieces a week may not be highlighted as respectfully. When I realized how it was all set up, I could feel my pulse rise and my competitive nature kick in. The road race seem inevitable.
I fretted over this. My intention is to highlight my writing, some of which I have written over the course of these past two years. I had no intentions of setting up another site to double my writing, and I sure as hell am not ready to leave this place. Back and forth I went onto the site trying to figure out the bigger picture of this new adventure I had found myself a part of.....and my blood pressure kept rising.......I was feeling full of electricity.......all zippy.....and I didn't like it.
Then, I began to step out of the road race mentality, which really does go against my nature and transported myself back to the beginning of setting up this blog. I am not a patient person by nature. So, when I began writing again and felt this relatively unusual calm found when patience enters the atmosphere, I realized that I would simply allow the topics and the process of the journey lead me. I had no clear idea of a destination........and for the most part, I still don't though it's plain to see the obvious themes of my writing and hence the path I found myself on. I wanted to feel that way again.
I jumped out of the road race.
One of my personal goals is to make something out of my writing. This desire has continued to increase as I have found my confidence again. Consequently, my goal for pursuing a more public blogsite was very different than when I began this Awareness site. Then, it was to archive my ideas. For the most part, I write unedited. What you read is first draft attempts........I have taken the advice I received at the start of my writing..........just write, edit later........ Now, I am beginning to review some of the pieces I have posted here. I have begun to edit them and will feed the other site with newer tighter written versions. I will write some new material, but it's time to hone and tone and possibly send it out more publicly.......
So, the desire to have my pieces read was fueling my feeling of frenzy. Can't let that happen. Need to remain patient. Need to stay the course, whatever course it is I'm on. I don't know whether patience is the only companion of wisdom, but you know what? I think they do make a good couple.
One step at a time.........finding my way
My hand in His.

14 comments:

BreadBox said...

Awareness is the first step to improvement, and patience is the virtue it requires.

Good luck with the editing (not that it needs much:-)
N.

Awareness said...

thanks N. It was when awareness kicked me between the eyes that i quickly reevaluated.

The Harbour of Ourselves said...

i agree with breadbox - and i wondered if you would feel like this....good reevaluation!!!

cracking photograph to boot!

Anonymous Boxer said...

breathe.

Shaz said...

So wise Dana xx

Awareness said...

paul....i'm glad the awareness kicked in early. the photo is one i took at my local market. enjoy GB.

anon....good advice...

shaz....glad to see your smiling face

BreadBox said...

Awareness, taking a deep breath and stepping back doesn't necessarily mean you have to shut down mayfairplace too, though:-)

N.

Rainbow dreams said...

am not surprised you felt like that at all...any major change takes getting used to and settling in...it has to work for you...

and dreams do come true, xx

Awareness said...

Hey Breadbox......havent shut down....:) I've been travelling and doing great things with my son. I will be posting something tonight when I can get my own laptop up and running via new network....

Lots to say and a few GREAT shots!!

Katie...I think the key is to see if for what it is....a much smaller step in the right direction, but not something which isn't going to take over my thinking and doing....you know what I mean?

Rainbow dreams said...

I do - perspective and keeping the bigger picture in mind too, xx

BreadBox said...

Awareness,
I didn't actually think that you'd shut down: just wanted to encourage you not to do so:-)

Good luck getting the machine to talk to the network! Sometimes that will just work, and other times....

N.

Barbara (aka Layla) said...

As always I find myself respecting and admiring you for being true to yourself, having wisdom, integrity and tons of talent.

Carmi said...

I've always believed that quality trumps quantity. You are your own competition, and your work exists on its own plane that others can only hope to compete against.

Awareness said...

breadbox....i didn't realize how difficult it would be to hook into another network....my naivete :)

Barbara...thank you....i try, but don't always succeed like all of us.

carmi...i too believe in quality versus quantity.....it's actually what I deal with in my workplace too! They want numbers, and I want people....go figure. I guess it's all around us isn't it, which makes us constantly have to swim against the current. i'm willing to do that...thank you for kind words.