roots.........and friends.

Years ago when I was 16 or 17, a bunch of girlfriends and I went to a Natalie Cole concert in Toronto at Ontario Place. We took the train in early to assure we would get into the venue, which at the time was an outside "in the round" stage with seats under the roof and grassy hills all around the centre. You paid admission to get into Ontario Place, a touristy spot with lots of attractions, including the concert. So, there were no assigned seats. It was a first come, first in set up, which was why we had arrived mid afternoon for an evening concert. With hours to idle by, we set up our chosen grassy spot to soak in the spring sun, to watch the people come and go and to talk the afternoon away. Never at a loss for words, we surely allowed the conversation to run the gamut of topics which was most likely typical of a bunch of teenage girls.

What I remember of that afternoon was only part of the conversation, which I think began because we were all at a point where we would be moving on beyond high school and dispersing down different avenues. We started talking about the future and where we thought we would be in the year 2000 when the majority of us would be turning 40.


It seemed so far in the future at that time......... 40 ..............holy!.............. so much life to live before then.


Yeah, for some reason, the age 40 seemed like some milestone turning point or something. Perhaps we thought we'd be completely settled and established by then. We knew that we would have had our children if that was in the cards. We figured we'd all be married (to whom was a moot point for most of us then) Our careers would be firmly in place.........all of that. Plus, the whole idea of entering a new millenium seemed so bizarre, like overnight the world would turn into a version of the Jetsons and we'd all be flying around in little space cars living in pods........


And of course, since none of us was clairvoyant, our individual paths ended up quite different than we had anticipated. The new millenium came and went as did age 40, as did the realization that we would continue to drive cars on highways.


The most predominantly longlasting part of that afternoon was the fact that we talked about whether we would be in touch with one another when we turned 40. What would happen to us, we asked.........if we all went in different directions and we weren't in touch with one another for many many years..........could we still phone one another out of the blue many years down the road? It was decided then that


"YES"..........."I will be able to call you when we're 40."


Yesterday, this snippet of life conversation came back to me as I spent hours on the phone with two high school friends, one of whom I havent spoken to since the year I was married 20 years ago, and another whom I seem to only touch base with every 3 or 4 years. In both conversations, we jumped into it like there had been no gap in our connections. In fact, we couldn't talk fast enough........catching up, cracking each other up, spilling out secrets and stories, sharing opinions, asking about others, drumming up memories for one another. It felt completely natural and surreal at the same time.....surreal when I caught myself thinking about how much water had flowed under the life bridge....... natural because there was no effort whatsoever to tap into our common ground.


Obviously we couldn't fill in huge portions of what had transpired over the years apart, but we surely started things up again. More importantly, for me at least these two wonderful conversations linked me back to my roots, to my history in my hometown. It's a funny feeling.........I have lived away in another part of this country for so long now, have established myself in a completely different world, away from these roots, busy being a Mom, a Partner to my husband, a counsellor etc..........I guess I compartmentalized my own past to some extent. I think that happens naturally, especially when you move away or when you have children and your focus for such a long time is on the role of being a parent. You kind of lose yourself in the roles you seem to be playing in your day to day life. Time seems to flash by until a life event like a wedding or a death grabs hold of it and snatches you back to your roots.


"I'll be able to call you when we're 40"..........means......"I will be comfortable enough to pick up the phone after perhaps many years of not communicating and it will be just fine because there will not be any judgement of when or why or how come we didn't stay in touch regularly...... We will be able to pick up and talk openly no matter what." How great is that?


We covered a lot of ground yesterday..........lots of "remember whens," and "whatever happened to..." and "tell me about......." and "did you evers." But, we also shared a few secrets which only girlfriends with a history of being there during those adolescent years when the dramas of relationships and the transition into becoming adults takes precedence. It felt great, and for some reason I think the timing was right to jump back into eachother's lives, all the while reestablishing common ground.

At the core we are the same people. But, we've had time to live and to grow and to realize that "shit happens" that we may not have much control over. We have learned to recognize what is important and what is just the icing not really needed in life. We have accumulated some life lessons which though we may have been acquired in different ways, somehow they have led us to the same learning. Interesting.

Personally, I am left with gratitude and some awe that yes, I have friends whom I will be able to call when I'm 40............er........................wait a minute...............when I turn 50, and they were there when I was becoming "ME."


Sandy and Bonnie..............if you're reading this................. I.S. Flots live on forever. :)