onset of twilight
last sweet gasp
a full day sipping sigh
from my cup filled with shiraz
ember tasting nectar which soothes my insides.

Twilight, now dark night as I write
of quiet reflections
many competing thoughts as I sip from my cup
many competing feelings as I sip from my cup

a colleague who during a break today
in the middle of my workshop on anxiety
spills his secret
he hears voices
apparition voices
he tells me with a desire to believe that this is good
that he has clairvoyant abilities
why don't I believe him?
why am I worried for him?
because his words didn't match the behaviour I observed.
I wonder about his mental health
worry that perhaps his confession was the beginning of many conversations I may have with him as he sorts out his stuff

my old boss
whom I find ensconced behind a closed door
she never closed her door when I lived in the office right beside her for so many years.
but now she's overworked, stressed, tired
she just got back from vacation and yet she now looks tight faced with baggy eyes
her shoulders stroop more than she realizes.
as i open her door to ask her if she's alright.......
she talks about needing time away
so I ease her pain.....and tell her a funny "family" story......
a family story connected to the crazy maker family I married into
and she laughs
she laughs and laughs at my punch line
a nice escape........and she tells me that she misses me.

my friend who calls tonight
her husband, also a close friend is back in the hospital
emergency 911 today
earlier in the week, he is hit with kidney stones
the pain doubles him over
unable to pass the stone
makes him writhe in agony until they remove it.
he called last night.........laughing and shouting
"mission accomplished!!"
We laugh about the experience
I tell him I'll make dinner for him this weekend......
he can have control of the remote
to watch sports from the leather chair
comfortable settled in my living room.
"it's a deal............."
But today, the pain returned.
Doubled over, Helen had to call 911..........
another kidney stone?
post surgery inflammation?
infection?
we don't know yet but he's back in the hospital drugged up on morphine
blissed out, while his wife and daughter worry alone.


my uncle who is facing his own realities tonight in the hospital far away
he tells me last night that every test they have done on him has been bad news
he may lose a few toes from newly diagnosed diabetes
his heart is in bad shape
he needs surgery on two parts of his body
and yet, when we talk on the phone........we swap stories.
we catch up, and laugh about funny things that have happened in the past
all the while avoiding the fact that this week was the anniversary of my grandmother's, his mother's death.
it was the last time I had seen him.
we spent a day together after the funeral going through my grandmother's belongings
together swapping stories, crying from fresh grief, laughing over funny things.
we didn't talk about that yesterday.
we miss her too much....it's too raw, and he needs to focus on himself.
he tells me stuff I know he isn't able to share with his own family
his feelings
his real feelings
because we have that kind of bond
I tell him his toe will save his life
he believes me
I believe it
we say good bye both feeling good about our chat
tomorrow I will call again.
I can't visit in person, but we'll keep talking
we need to, we want to.
I end the conversation by telling him that I love him.
my uncle, who looked after me when I was a baby
and I wonder when the last time was...
when did I tell him I loved him last?
he knows now...
yes, he knows now....


my cup is full and yet I keep sipping........
twilight is over
darkness has wrapped for the night.

and I'm alright.......
I'm alright....
I'm alright.