"I've got one nerve left and you're standing on it....."
There is a palpable feeling of stress stinkin' up the air quality. Forced fed by fetid behaviour, fanned by frequent confrontations with the volume turned up on a sound of static. Its like walking through a mine field with a fatigued mind. No focus. Ego driven, like a child past his bedtime. The whine from the perpetrator persistently hits the nerve. The one nerve left. Can you feel the shooting pains? A pressure cooker steamin' mad irrational whistle can be heard on high..........disrespectfully polluting the air.
stomp, stomp, stomp....................whine.
obnoxious fumes seep out of the heat register in puffs of toxicity.
They begin to point fingers at the culprit.... the one who knows how to step on the collective nerve centre. She knows how to, but is she aware she is doing it? Does she have any idea how her ugly behaviour repulses? Fingernails on a chalkboard. Penetrating hot pokes into the centre of their senses. Unlovely actions pushes buttons, boundaries, sensibilities. She stands on the one nerve and becomes a jumping jack....... trampoline enthusasism irregardless of consequences.
help,help,help,help, outward cries in unison..........
I'm afraid I will lose my cool and choke her.
i want to choke her.......
can't help myself any longer........... like I've been invaded by a bad child, they admit with a fervour only used when one reaches their wits end. Flooded by feelings, the wits have turned into tiny squeaky bits of brain fluff. They have no capacity to think things through anymore.............to choose creative responses.... to pick up and leave or to fight off the boiling point feelings. Pressure cooker perspiration is about to spill over like gooey oozy lava.
Feathers and fur fly. Accusations spew forth with rapid pummelling towards the annoying culprit. The one who sheds tears now of shock and disbelief. Shattered by their reaction, unaware of her role in the stinkfest, she cowers.
Why do people act in such a manner that completely irritates with constant poking and prodding? They arent getting their deep seated needs met? Will they ever? Doubt it. The roots are too deeply embedded, entwined in a pattern too complicated to change. Caught by inconsistent love hurts throughout their lives. Assaulted by negativity, rejection, entitlement of others, they have no way of coping besides acting in the ugliest manner possible. They want to be accepted. They want healthy doses of empowerment. They want to feel loved. Yet, their behaviour screams the opposite. Angrily, manipulatively, frustratingly.
Perhaps these are the people thrown into our lives, into the mix of our communities who make us stretch beyond our perspectives, our reflections. Maybe, just maybe they are the folks who teach us the hardest lesson of all. To love the unlovely.
When we are asked to be patient when we have none left. When we are expected to share the same space that once used to be filled with springtime air and is now so thick with stressy stink. When we are asked to carry on like there isn't a monster amongst us, how do we cope besides running away and never returning? What do we do?
The only thing left to do is to look beyond the ugly behaviour and try to see the wounds on a fellow human being. The only thing left to do is to love the unlovely. Is there anything more difficult to do than that?
Group dynamics? Forming, Storming, Reforming, Norming, Performing. These are the stages of development. This was a week of being in the eye of the storm............ Hurricane season is upon us. We can ride it out......