sanctuary

view from my room,
YMCA hostel, Bath UK

There comes a point when you are willing to risk stepping out of your comfort zone in order to experience something new. Sometimes, when opportunity arises we approach it with one toe dip to test the waters and gradually inch forward until we find ourselves surrounded. Other times, we have no choice but to take a step into the deep end full immersion style. What both methods have in common is the need to feel trust. When it is lacking, the new experience can feel shocking, traumatic even. When trust thrives, both from the inside dressed as confidence and from the outside dressed in compassion, new experiences are so much more enamouring.

Like every human being, the idea of seeking out an experience that has the potential of bursting the emotional control panel automatically sends up red flags of caution. Why is that the case? Why do we think we have to be "in control" all the time? Feelings are messy. Feelings smack of instability. Extreme feelings frighten away any semblance of order. Express too much and you're labelled loopy. Express too little and you're considered cold like steel. Extreme feelings make others squirm while you the "out of control" being zip up inside a coat of guilt and shameful embarrassment.

Intensity of any kind is considered a turn off by many. But tell me, if this is a problem, who owns the problem.... the person who feels with such intensity or the person who is uncomfortable being around the intensity?

Luckily, for many of us imperfect humans we are socially conditioned on how to act, to conform, to "carry" ourselves in various circumstances. Luckily? I guess so..... Sometimes it seems like a huge burden to carry. Sometimes it seems like a whole lot of anal retentive bullshit to try to live within the parameters of what is copesectic. But, we can't go about our lives spilling forth big bubbles of the stuff. We do need to know the rules and know how to read the reasons behind the rolling waves of how we feel. Unpredictability breathes fear in the crowd of well controlled feeling people.

Feeling rules are truly complicated little spitfires and seem to be culturally driven. In my culture, we learn when we are allowed to laugh, cry, show anger, be fearful, express pain. There are specific rules to go by, and we begin to learn these dance steps in infancy. By the time you're the AGE of an adult, you better walk to the beat of the Drummer. Cross the line and you'll be put in your place. Watch out! If you screw it up, you're admonished..... sometimes its a look of disdain ..... other times it is in a form of being ignored or shunned. Its funny how uncomfortable one's emotions can "make" another person "feel" like others are looking at them with judgement.

The problem with these rules is that it only leaves a narrow path to manoeuver when in reality, life experiences go beyond these culturally imposed boundaries on a daily basis. Where do you go when you need to let go of your emotions? Inside your head? Or is there a place you can enter outside of yourself where an ominous sense of safety whispers to you that its alright to just be an emotional being?

The way I see it, when we find a place like this, we have found a sanctuary where acceptance is unconditional..... where love gives permission just to be. It is from this sacred place where we can gather the courage to step into a new experience knowing that discomfort should be a welcome friend.