Sunrise and Sundown

All my life's a circle

Sunrise and sundown

The moon rose through the nighttime

'Til the daybreak comes around

How do you describe a day that begins with an early morning phone call of distress, followed by the stark raving reality of believing you are witnessing a close friend's demise? How do you begin to explain a day where you are swished into a quiet room at the hospital by a nurse......out of the way of code blue, to be followed by a visit with the chaplain who gently informs you that it doesn't look good? And where do you go when after staring at your spouse and seeing your own fear in their eyes as you both grapple for a breath while the unreal news that our friend is struggling for his life and we are the ones who must handle whatever the outcome.......that we must face all of this together and be strong for one another, and be clear headed for each other and for our friend's family? Where do you go?

You want to run. You want to hide. You want to plug your ears and close your eyes and click your heels and get the hell back to Kansas. Then, you go inside yourself and pull out your best faith muscles and persevere. Because you can. Because you have to. Because others need you to.

How do you describe the joy and blood melting relief only moments after surging through a copious quantity of fear, shock, electricity, anxiety.........that leaves you feeling like a weeping wet rag? How do you stop from laughing and crying at the same time while reflecting on the mountain of events that occured before 9 am after you realize that your friend is going to recover, going to make it............going to be alright?

How do you tell his daughter who you've just dropped off at a summer camp program only 1/2 an hour before when it didn't look so grim? How do you connect with his wife who is in another country at a conference? Friends too? How do you step up to the plate to make the decisions, take in the information, create a gameplan and then execute it when all around you is a slap of gut doubling reality?

How do you describe a day like that..........................when at the end of it as I write this, our friend is settled and stable after being transferred to the cardiac hospital in another city..........whose wife is now by his side, whose daughter is well informed and loved and staying with other friends while I wait for my husband to return from being by the side of his closest friend and witnessing it all........a friend who was with him just last spring when the roles were reversed??

Poignant
Traumatic
Emotional
Unreal

Heart tripping

Gut ripping

Skin rippling
Shocking
Frightening
Mysterious
Unforgettable
Life Affirming
Bloody Awful
Bloody Amazing
Bloody surreal
Tiring, so tiring
Love Affirming
Miraculously full of Grace

How about a day to count your blessings, and to appreciate the unspoken beauty of the circle of life as we live it. A day to remember to kneel down in prayer to give thanks. Yes, this has been a year of all of that over and over. We will all be toasting life, love and grace when we congregate in October for Thanksgiving.

"And as I find your here again, the thoughts run through my mind,

Our love is like a circle

Lets go around one more time."

Harry Chapin.

ps. I wrote this last night as a way to capture this day of grace and a few miracles and realized that what I had written was a moment of poignancy, which is the topic for this weeks thematic photography at Carmi's. When I had first read the topic/theme on Wednesday, I was waffling about which photo I could post to reflect the theme. I kept thinking about the many moments I don't capture with my camera during my work travels and thought perhaps what I wanted to to was to write a descriptive piece on a poignant moment I had been priviledged to experience. Then, we were put into a face to face life and death situation today.........

As I drove home with my son from his baseball game last night, knowing our friend was safe and was going to get better over time, my son Max and I took in the beauty of twilight over the Saint John river. I pulled over and took the picture at the bottom of the post with a renewed sense of gratitude.

We have to live in the moment, live like today is the last.........and for God's sake, take it all in.......... learning new dance steps as you go. chachacha.

for more thematic entries, check out Carmi's site.