betrayal

How to defend yourself against betrayal: Top 10 recommendations

1. Go live in a cave

2. Don't stick your neck out for anyone

3. Stop making friends

4. Silence yourself. Don't share any information, aspirations, communications, complications with anyone.

5. Distrust everone you encounter including the important people in your life for they are the most apt to betray.

6. Give up loving people.

7. If you have to go out, don't look anyone in the eye.

8. Stop sharing

9. Cross the busy street alone. Stop relying on a friend to hold your hand.

10. Lose all expectations that others care.

In reality, there is no defence for arming yourself against the nastiness of betrayal. If we are out there interacting with others, sticking your neck out, taking risks, living life, you're bound to be a target of it every now and then. We've all felt its sting, and we've all been the unthinking self consumed eeejit on the other end too. Ewww, when I think about being the eeejit, I feel a wash of shame flood over me.

How I feel when I have been betrayed?

lonely

tainted

unloved

ugly

discarded.

I will remember this feeling................as a way to be more respectful and kind to others in the future. It's a horrible, horrible feeling isn't it? It's all in how we behave towards our fellow human beings that matters. What else matters more than looking out for one another with love and honour?

love, love, love.................is all you need....

I don't plan on adhering to these 10 recommendations. It's not in me. I thrive on the interactions and connections I have every single day. But, I think I need some time to let go of these feelings I have after experiencing a big betrayal and move on. I have had the worst time trying to write over the past week because of the bitterness I taste and seem to be holding onto. Somehow it has to be resolved, but right now things are complicatedly impacting my thinking, feeling and doing.........every time I sit down to write, I'm consumed with hurt and anger and can't get beyond it. This isn't the place where I want to write from because what seems to emerge is vindictiveness and bile. Not good. I've had enough of feeling sorry for myself.

Gotta find beauty again. Gotta find my confidence again because it has taken a serious blow. However, if I look at it philosophically, remembering what I have read, what I have learned from my friends, and what I have learned through my own desire to seek out a deeper awareness of faith, I can see this latest setback as another chance to strip away that ego defensive stuff and recognize that I am but one cell tucked away.

Transformative? Maybe a little step towards that. Do these frigging steps ever get easy? Do we ever get an easy step ever??

I think it's normal to want to lash out after being cornered by a slap in the face betrayal. In the long run however it's not going to help matters if I react with the feelings I'm harbouring. It'll only make it worse. So, I'll be back when the run of shit luck blows away with the grey cloud that seems to be hovering over my umbrella. I just need some time to look after my wounds.