softening to the suffering

For faith is not the clinging to a shrine but an endless pilgrimage of the heart. Audacious longing, burning songs, daring thoughts, an impulse overwhelming the heart, usurping the mind -- these are all a drive towards serving Him who rings our hearts like a bell.

It is as if He were waiting to enter our empty perishing lives. To rely on our faith would be idol worship. We have only the right to rely on God. Faith is not an insurance, but a constant effort, constant listening to the eternal voice. Abraham Heschel.


My own thoughts? Perhaps we do feel His presence when we feel a sense of emptiness......when we recognize in ourselves the need to let go of the reins of control. This is a constant when one lives in a marginalized state of mind and soul. It zaps us of energy and spirit when trying to do it alone...........when we continue to grapple for answers and sustenance to no avail....... like a lost thirsty soul in the desert....like trying paddle upriver against the wind.

There comes a point when one's clenched hands, open and turn outward in a gesture for help. There comes a time when meditative silence is the only alternative after avoiding it like it was the enemy.

I wonder ....... it seems like we need to RISK stripping down to the bare bonedness, down to the core essentials of who we are and what matters before we can, on our knees look up and see His presence, to feel His radiance. Because............it is only then that He can see and feel us too. If we risk opening up the part of us that rarely see any light, perhaps we find our listening ears that may hear the eternal voice?

WE cover ourselves, body and soul with a lanolin that repels the divine touch. Why is that? Does our fear of feeling such transparent vulnerability, of feeling a light headed weakness come from not being able to fully trust that its alright to present our own messy selves?

Nothing permeates our holy core until we dip ourselves in a clarity which then wipes away the noisy life residue............our cravings to be loved, to be accepted, to be assured, to be fed can only be addressed if we are on the verge of perishing in the wilderness. This is when we stop clinging to comfort and learn how to walk on.......