the slow pace of real change

There is, perhaps, a moment in every life when something dark comes along. If we are not careful to recognize its life damaging potential before it grips us, it can hold us for the rest of our lives. We can become addicted to that wound and use it forever as an identity card. We can turn that wound into sorrow and forsakenness, a prison of crippled identity. It is difficult to be objective and gracious about your wounds because they can hurt and weep for years. Wounds are not sent to make us small and frightened; they are sent to open us up and to help graciousness, compassion and beauty root within us. Wounds offer us unique gifts but they demand a severe apprenticeship before the door of blessing opens.

John O'Donahue, Eternal Echoes.

The other day, I was priviledged to be in a room where the wounds ran deep, both in the individuals independently and as a collective group. Old seeping, weeping wounds which most definately have become identity cards, for themselves and for the outside observer. The apprenticeship has been severe, as they have weathered antarctic storms and have collected stamps in their identity passport there and back. I don't know whether these stamps will ever be eliminated or erased. They seem to be indelible.....whether they were adhered by themselves or by others. I don't know whether it's too late......victims imprisoned in their enclosed spaces.

Often I work with individuals who are on the cusp of change..........change is good..........change is needed. But, once they wake up and realize how much they want it, they tend to want it NOW. Theres a strong hurried desire to find a fix..........to shed the labels, the identity.........to walk away from the seeping wounds and I wish at this point I could wave a magic wand to resolve and revive. I wish it was as easy as changing into a new set of clothes. It's not.

It took years sometimes to build the prison with walls smeared in negative life experience for many human beings. The accumulation of abuse, addictions, of a life of poverty living on the margins, surviving, coping never happens overnight. Sometimes we are dealing with generations of accumulation. The family tree is littered with historical regenerated wounds........the branches reach out in all directions.

So it's slow and painful...........the undoing needs to go slow. You may be able to lose 20 pounds in a couple of weeks if you starve yourself. But, it'll reappear as flab again if the weight loss is too quick because drastic measures wreak havoc with metabolism. Our soul and our spirit has a metabolism too. It can't be purged and starved and then the inbalance stemmed one dose of a good day. Emotional literacy takes time to synthesize into our way of being. It's part of the apprenticeship. And its worth the effort.