You could take a warm wet washcloth full of soapy bubbles and scrub your skin until it squeaks. You could rinse away all of that accumulative dirt and grime, replace the tired clothes threadbare and worn with something clean and pressed. You could comb your hair, brush your teeth. You could even take the time to put on make-up and tempt your lips with a glossy pink. You could spray a small spritz of light perfume to linger on your freshened self. And still, the feelings attached to being a treated like a Pariah seep out of your soul, leaving you feeling deep freeze cold.
It is a wretched feeling to be cast aside, treated like you're untouchable. Avoided by people who matter, you can't help but receive the loud message in the reverberating silent energy that hovers in the empty spaces.
Ugly, ugly, ugly........
Soul Poverty isolation living in a shanty heart.
In no time, the Pariah begins to believe she is unlovable, unwanted.... a disgraced wench, scorned by the bitterness of another human being.
Every thing is left unsaid.
Feelings are left unspoken
An exile of the heart begins to form
Silence pokes holes into the unquiet mind making it weep a high pitched loneliness until it seeks out an inner sanctum where it can hide away from painful sorrow and dejection.
A Pariah feels like she is seen as an apparition when in fact she is a warm blooded human being who yearns to be recognized as lovable and treated with tender attention. She wants to be touched....touched by the warmth of another human beings fingers..... embraced by another persons arms ..... kissed with tenderness.
Days are long
Nights are open-eyed longer as the need to be held, to be touched grows salty tears of longing. In order to survive, you soon learn to harden up, to build a protective shell, to distrust everyone around you.
You turn into stone.
A roughworn scaly grey Pariah stone.
A stone feels no pain................a stone holds no moist tears.
Those tears have dried up and what you're left with are the remnants of what used to be.
Have you ever felt this way? How did you pull yourself out of this shameful feeling of unloved numbness??