"Mom, that's so RANDOM......."

Have you been accosted by that word? It seems like it has taken over the world of words.........RANDOM. When my kids use it with me (it is the jargon of the day.....), they are using it to describe how they are perceiving whatever incident or story or comment i have shared with them. And given that they are lucky enough to have me as one of their role model social commentators in their lives, someone who speaks as a mult-tasking crazy woman, they throw this term at me with regularity.

My stories or comments seem disconnected to whatever else happens to be occuring, like its simply floating in the ether of other snippets with no threads to bind. I often observe the person who happens to be one who usually says something which triggers my leap in thinking standing there with one quizzical look on their face wondering where the heck my comment or my analogy came from. No "linky" the expression tells me. "The lady is unglued," they may be thinking. Hell, I don't really know what they are actually thinking though I do try to tone it down when I am confronted with one of those looks of dismay. Here's the scary thing though. Most of the time, the links sit pretty in my head! And every once in a while I have the pleasure to be bleeting away with another Randomumbler.....


Yes, I have to admit that my personal ticking brain makes links ambidextrously and its as natural as putting your pants on one leg at a time. YOU DO put your pants on one leg at a time don't you? You do wear pants don't you or are you one of those free floating kilt types?? Though I am left handed (and consequently in my right mind..........how many of you can BOAST about that, eh?? :) ), I do jump in as a right handed person every once in a while. Like raking for instance.....or using a hand mixer.....or mopping the floor. I switch back and forth depending on my mood. It bodes well for not getting bored or muscle fatigued while having to focus on the mundane. Perhaps when I switch over my handedness it is a trigger for my thinking to switch over too? Maybe that's why I do it, so I can mix up my imagination in order to "see" something from a different angle. I dont know..........this is a new thought RIGHT NOW AS I WRITE, but intriguing.........hmmmm.......physical switches lead to cogitive internal switches...... gee, i think there is a PhD dissertation in there somewhere.

However, I don't want you to get the idea that I talk out of both sides of my mouth. I will if I am in the process of trying to figure something out..........and I may sound wishy washy or an undecided waffler, but I think that's a different kind of talking out of both sides of my mouth.......this is all about processing stuff. I do have some staid and true, reliable beliefs which keep me on some kind of course of action even if my randomness seems to be getting the best of me. For example, I can't stand bullshit and will tango with anyone who tries to ring that bell. I also don't quite understand how someone who can behave one way in one part of their life and then behave another way in another part of their life. How can they keep their masks straight? I'd just screw it up.........wearing the wrong mask to the wrong party.

yes, I'm a randomist and it surely entertains me. But, sometimes it perplexes others, especially the logical blue people.....(i'm bright orange/RED on the INSIGHTS colour wheel of personalities......you know who you are..............the BLUE ISTJ's of the world. (aka......Meyers Brigg's personality indicator...........introverted, sensing, thinking, judging) This is the opposite to how I score on this particular test. I am an ENFP, my "EN" is more polared than the FP part.........It stands for extroverted, intuitive, feeling, perceptive. Just thought I'd drop this bit of info into the middle of this post, because, well I wanted to and because I'm writing about RANDOMness......... Confused?..............It's a wonderful state of mind ..........I live there!

Random thinking is foreplay for the mind really. Can't have enough foreplay those Kinsey sex experts say. Yes, you could say my cerebellum is turned on in a heightened manner.

This morning, as I sit down to write, I usually have one particular topic I want to sink my teeth into as a way to dig a little deeper into the meaning or reasons behind it. However, my reflections of the week on the surface look pretty random even to me. I can't seem to hone in on one of them fully enough to grab hold of it. I have a few drafts half written......thoughts captured for future possibilities and they don't seem to be ready to be finished. What seems to be stirring the ratatouille...........the summer harvest of plenty this morning is not known, except that TOO much has criss crossed with my path this week. Writing normally helps channel my energies in one direction, but not today. Writing helps me find meaning and links to my random muses, but not today.

Instead of trying to find meaning ahead of time, I decided to try to capture some of the ingredients as they are before they blend in or move away. As I mentioned already, has been a busy busy week, one full of interactions, great discussions, some big stressy things, and some jump out of your chair cheering (THIS happened twice this weekend........first when my son threw a guy out at the plate from left field to stop the onslaught of runs from the other team and consequently won MVP for the last game of the season..........rock on Maxie...........AND then in the bottom of the 13th inning, the tied game between the Jays and the Devil Rays, Greg Zaun hit a GRAND SLAM to end the game. Jamie and I, LEAPED out of our chairs pumping the air in magnificent JOY like we had just watched our team win the World Series instead of a regular game which in the big scheme of things isn't enough of a win to even get the Jays into the play-offs........but MAN it was FUN to take it in. I don't know what others do who don't partake in sports events. They miss out on those amazing moments).

Worry, compassion, humility, love, laughter, confusion, contentment, longings, wonderings, fear, courage, happiness, love again, frustration, up and down emotions, anxiety, pride, blood, sweat and tears...........relief....... and EVEN some AWARENESS filled the days and nights. Pretty typical week for all of us. Amazing the gamut of feelings which thread our experiences if we simply sit down and acknowlege what we may even possibly sum up as a week of "oh, nothing much happened......."

Stuff always happens..........SHIFTS happen too, regularly......are you in the middle of it making it happen, observing it happen, receiving some of the happens or letting some of it slip away? Are you acknowledging the happenings as randomly impacting you?

Still with me on this one?? Yes, I could easily jump from one topic to another as the week of reflections is TEEMING with titilating tidbits...........from Sister Sarah of Alaska now running mate of that Maverick McCain to thoughts on Obama.............to today's announcement of our own election..........gee...........south of the border, the election has been going on for 4 years and ours will begin today and end on October 14th. Short, sweet and less costly than the BILLIONS spent by the contenders ..........though I don't for a minute believe we need an election. Hmmmm what else......... from thoughts on the educational system in this province and the very bizarre concept of middle school as a best practises plan gone awry to the less than stellar choices for Leadership of the PC party of New Brunswick.........hello, where are the WOMEN???........from the ongoing behind the scenes discussion on the possibility of moving the Fredericton market to another locale....are they OUT of their minds????....................to the growing excitement of the upcoming Harvest Jazz and Blues Festival which begins this Wednesday.........



I hear the blues can set you free. I don't know about that, but they make me want to dance in a swaying kind of way..........howl at the moon too. It is strange how listening to a blues master sing from his heart makes you feel good.

Random!.................."Mom, that's so RANDOM........."

ooooo.............yaaaaa.....................got "the bottom of the foodchain random blues.........."

So, in no order....................here are a few stories churning the personal brain washing machine........

1. I tried to convince a man who has suffered from chronic pain for more than 20 years and can't take any heavy duty drugs to alleviate the pain enough to sleep through the night to seriously consider smoking a joint or two. God Bless Canada......... its' considered medicinal. Still, when I thought about the conversation after the fact while driving back to town, I was struck with how odd the conversation had been. I wonder if I broke any weird counselling rules.

2. I met a woman (the mother of the man living in chronic pain) who is attached to an oxygen tank 24/7 because of her chronic pulmonary disorder. She was a charming elderly woman who was sitting in her living room wearing a yellow housedress, the oxygen tube attached to her nose. She had curlers in her hair and she kept apologizing for how she looked........I thought it was GRAND that she cared enough to make sure that her hair was done even though she is stuck in her house and can't venture out anymore.

When it was time to leave, she grabbed my hand with both hands and looked right into my eyes and thanked me for coming. It dawn on me, right after processing the thoughts on the fact that I had tried to convince the man to smoke dope in order to get his life back, that when someone grabs hold of your hand with both of their hands, they are telling you something pretty terrific.....that you made an impact.

3. The other day as I was sitting on the patio at a restaurant having breakfast with the summer students, a woman I know who lives hand to mouth, who begs for money on the streets most days, tapped me on the shoulder to inform me that my parking meter expired but not to worry because she put a few more quarters in it. She also arranged for another person, her ex-husband who was also begging for money, to sit by my van to make sure it didn't run out again while I finished my "meeting." Honest to God! You gotta love that!! He was there sitting in front of my van when I returned to it.........he smiled at me, called me "dear" and told me the he had me covered........he "didn't want me to get a ticket."

4. About once a year, I seem to end up at the same house where a special needs family lives to help one of them apply for a disability. This most recent time it was different. I was there to fill out another application, but it was for the matriarch who has just found out she is dying of cancer. Tired, traumatized and so very frightened, we sat at her kitchen table as I gently engaged her in a conversation about her recent chemotherapy sessions. I was so struck by the fact that she and her family have barely coped all their lives and yet they never want help and are very wary of anyone looking in on them. Three adult children live there all with major cognitive and mental health issues...........their needs and direction will fall solely onto the lap of their father who is stretched himself by his limitations and his accumulated anxiety.

The feelings of dread and foreboding could easily have taken over the conversation especially because I had to ask her about her condition. Somehow however, we spoke of faith in God and the beauty of the nature around us. Somehow the conversation leaped up and grabbed hold of sharing small moments we had experienced individually when loneliness had been replaced by a sense of realizing we weren't alone......... by the time I left their home, they were making plans to go for a drive to watch the sun set on the river.

5. Jean Vanier speaks of the fact that God doesn't expect us to do extraordinary things. Rather, He wants us to do ordinary things with extraordinary love? This is where life is felt the deepest. ...in the interactions we have and the connections we make when we step into a seemingly random conversation or a random situation..........making differences in each other's lives. I work with the most interesting thoughtful people who teach me this every single day by their actions.

6. I have been perseverating over Van Morrison's song, The Philosopher's Stone and it has kept me company often while driving to and fro this week. I love the harmony and the words to it. I love how it starts off quietly and builds momentum.....so much so that I have been tossing and turning the whole concept of the philosopher's stone in my head all week, wondering what the analogy is for life and i realized it is pretty simple. We may not be able to turn a piece of lead into a piece of gold. But, boy oh boy can we ever turn how we see and do and feel every single day just be recognizing the sunlight reflections when we set out to make a difference. All of a sudden lead turns into gold. All of sudden we realize that the mystery of the beauty in the ordinary reflects gold if we let it be. You don't have to be an alchemist to know the secret of turning lead into gold. You just have to be open to recognizing it.

I'm off to learn how to make Chinese dumplings with a few girlfriends who are such fun, so gifted and are full of ZIPITY-DO-DAH.......and I'll end with one cool happening.....this morning, THIS story was read to a small congregation by their Minister. I have no direct affiliation with this church and yet this morning they were introduced to a crooked little tree. I hope one of them now sees that little tree with a new pair of golden light eyes. I'm thrilled by that.........more than you'll ever know. Words help to make shifts from lead to gold......even if they seem random, which of course they never are. Neither are actions. Neither are events, feelings, and thoughts.