You know what term makes me feel queasy? Wellness. For some reason it leaves a bad taste in my mouth. It stirs up this urge to sit down and smoke a whole pack of cigarettes all at once, and drain a bottle of plonk without sharing. OK, I'll share it. But, don't expect me to wipe the opening after every swig.
The word dredges up smarmy email attachments of forgettable Zamfir tunes(who am I kidding, the Master of the Panflute's tunes are easily accessed from the file in my brain labelled muzak) layered onto images of backlit landscapes, spiritually enhanced with pushy messages from angels which in turn make me feel ......... green around the gills.
Wellness brings out the baddy in me........ the cynic ........ is it because it often is presented as medicinal? It's good for you, so it must taste bad?
This week, I attended a meeting to plan a professional development day for the 200 staff in the Region. It's the one and only day set aside in the whole year for everyone to congregate under one roof. Under the auspices of the Wellness umbrella, various topics and workshops were offered up as we tried to sketch out the day. I was a few minutes late arriving and the meeting was in full swing when I tried to slip in without being noticed.
My lateness was concious. I decided to take in a tanning session over lunch. How's that for non-wellness? It felt GOOOOOOOOOOOD. After soaking up the badness of fake sunlight, listening to my favourite music and pretending I was really on a beach somewhere exotic, I found myself strolling slowly towards the office building, stopping to grab a hot cup of caffeine........and seriously thinking about whether or not I really wanted to take part. It was the fact that I committed originally, my conscience, which led me down to the basement boardroom.......to a meeting on WELLNESS........
I arrived just in time for a conversation on organic farming, and automatically felt the attack of the cynic virus............oooooooooo.............as I sipped my caffeine made with a teabag from hell, I stifled the urge to ask if someone could explain to me the difference between a carrot and an organic carrot.......a question a friend of mine was pondering just last summer while selling local produce that just happened to NOT be given the "organic" seal of approval AND were 6 dollars a bag cheaper.........
The meeting then led into various and sundry other potential topics for workshops and speakers, all seemingly related to nutrition and body stretching. And, my how serious the conversation was.........earnest and serious..........with an underlying feeling that some members of this group had made it their life goal to enforce wellness in the workplace even if it killed them. How weird is that? Wellness as a cult-like mantra. Wellness disguised as a way to lecture and to judge others choices. Now, that's healthy.
I wasn't alone in my fidgetting and desire to lighten the meeting up a bit. As I looked around, I spotted a few kindreds who were feeling the same urge to blurt out a couple of zinger ideas......
The urge was suppressed until afterwards..................
These silly thoughts led me down the path to understanding my disdain for all things labelled under the wellness umbrella..........Wellness has somehow been linked to political correctness and the police types who guard their pc's with fervour. The underlying message..........."do it for your own good, dammit......." is never far away. It's like the Wellness Police have strained the humour out of it. And, isn't humour or at least looking at our way of being, our world in an absurdist way one of the most effective approaches to feeling good?? Isn't a good laugh supposed to kickstart the endorphens, which in turn spread LOVE throughout our body systems???
In the end, I did offer to run a workshop...........and suggested a few ideas for consideration.......but warned them that I would most likely be holding a cup of caffeine in my hands, and I may lose all sense of decorum by espousing my opinion on delusional marketing ploys with respect to Organic Foods..........my working "titles" for pending workshops.....
I've never been one to be politically correct. I like to laugh too much.
The word dredges up smarmy email attachments of forgettable Zamfir tunes(who am I kidding, the Master of the Panflute's tunes are easily accessed from the file in my brain labelled muzak) layered onto images of backlit landscapes, spiritually enhanced with pushy messages from angels which in turn make me feel ......... green around the gills.
Wellness brings out the baddy in me........ the cynic ........ is it because it often is presented as medicinal? It's good for you, so it must taste bad?
This week, I attended a meeting to plan a professional development day for the 200 staff in the Region. It's the one and only day set aside in the whole year for everyone to congregate under one roof. Under the auspices of the Wellness umbrella, various topics and workshops were offered up as we tried to sketch out the day. I was a few minutes late arriving and the meeting was in full swing when I tried to slip in without being noticed.
My lateness was concious. I decided to take in a tanning session over lunch. How's that for non-wellness? It felt GOOOOOOOOOOOD. After soaking up the badness of fake sunlight, listening to my favourite music and pretending I was really on a beach somewhere exotic, I found myself strolling slowly towards the office building, stopping to grab a hot cup of caffeine........and seriously thinking about whether or not I really wanted to take part. It was the fact that I committed originally, my conscience, which led me down to the basement boardroom.......to a meeting on WELLNESS........
I arrived just in time for a conversation on organic farming, and automatically felt the attack of the cynic virus............oooooooooo.............as I sipped my caffeine made with a teabag from hell, I stifled the urge to ask if someone could explain to me the difference between a carrot and an organic carrot.......a question a friend of mine was pondering just last summer while selling local produce that just happened to NOT be given the "organic" seal of approval AND were 6 dollars a bag cheaper.........
The meeting then led into various and sundry other potential topics for workshops and speakers, all seemingly related to nutrition and body stretching. And, my how serious the conversation was.........earnest and serious..........with an underlying feeling that some members of this group had made it their life goal to enforce wellness in the workplace even if it killed them. How weird is that? Wellness as a cult-like mantra. Wellness disguised as a way to lecture and to judge others choices. Now, that's healthy.
I wasn't alone in my fidgetting and desire to lighten the meeting up a bit. As I looked around, I spotted a few kindreds who were feeling the same urge to blurt out a couple of zinger ideas......
- Smoking with a Buddy
- Couch Potato Idling
- How to Organize your Remote Controls
- Pesticide Usage to Ward off Evil Neighbours
- Helpful Tips for Effective All-Nighters
- Decision Making through Tarot
The urge was suppressed until afterwards..................
These silly thoughts led me down the path to understanding my disdain for all things labelled under the wellness umbrella..........Wellness has somehow been linked to political correctness and the police types who guard their pc's with fervour. The underlying message..........."do it for your own good, dammit......." is never far away. It's like the Wellness Police have strained the humour out of it. And, isn't humour or at least looking at our way of being, our world in an absurdist way one of the most effective approaches to feeling good?? Isn't a good laugh supposed to kickstart the endorphens, which in turn spread LOVE throughout our body systems???
In the end, I did offer to run a workshop...........and suggested a few ideas for consideration.......but warned them that I would most likely be holding a cup of caffeine in my hands, and I may lose all sense of decorum by espousing my opinion on delusional marketing ploys with respect to Organic Foods..........my working "titles" for pending workshops.....
- When Your Addiction is a Good Thing
- Middle Age Mania and Hot Flashes
- Blogging as a Road to Wellness.............
I've never been one to be politically correct. I like to laugh too much.
9 comments:
That noise you hear is my standing an applauding. Actually, I'm having trouble standing because I'm laughing quite hard.
Every time I heard the word "Wellness" lately, I can't help but think of the piece your wrote about the decorative words such as "believe" etc. and it brings a smile to my face.
Now, I just can decide if I want to attend the pesticide session or the addiction session. Decision, decisions...
Sarahdipity!! I wrote this with you in mind, because I knew you could relate :)
I'll send you a complete syllabus on both topics to help you decide.
cheers......
Well you certainly got me laughing today!! This was great!
This post made me laugh out loud!
Thanks for saying the things that lots of people thinK!
I love the Shel Silverstein poem ;)
layla........a laugh a day......at least, right?
Tori.....glad you enjoyed my little rant......I LOVE it when I can write a piece that is a bit tongue in cheek. It's my attempt at being "Erma Bombeck" :) I loved her sense of humour.
I love your take on words... wellness and parenting... :)
Thanks for the laugh...
The tanning session sounds so good... I made the gym finally but the tanning still has to be addressed....
I am SO good at being bad.... it's the very best bit of living... but would I know it was bad if all these people didn't tell me it was... and would it be half as much fun... I wonder?
cheers, I'll share my bottle if you share yours :)
I'm glad to hear you speak to this ... "wellness" has always left a bad taste in my mouth too! "Wholeness" bugs me too ... it implies that we are missing something & wellness implies that we're ill. Your seminar ideas are great! JP
Hi Dana - I've missed posting lately. Too busy!
I loved Martha's speech and I had much to say to her...but most of it was said by sage other posters. She is a wonderful breath of very fresh air in a generation of pathological narcissism.
Now, on to this great post. As you know, I have a farm. In fact, it is organic. At least - in fact if not in name. You see, I refuse to pay the outrageous fees involved in purchasing the rights to the designation "organic". It involves little real benefit - oh yeah, a member of the organic mafia visits the farm to do some sort of "analysis" (asks a few questions about what grew there last year) and then declares it elgible for coronation! ANother Pay as you Play scam!
It reminds me much of the present capitalizaion of Global Warming and the $$$$ signs that appear in the eyes of "environmentalists" when they see the potential it represents.
Don't get me wrong - I think we should be agressively developing alternate fuels (HYDROGEN) and conserving energy and taking care of our planet, but the gold rush represented by Mr. Gore and others is despicable. Organics can be just as bad!
We farm with respect for our land, with respect for our plants and especially with respect for the people who will eventually consume what we produce. These are simple concepts, they require no Stamp of Approval from quasi-government recognized organizations formed to create more unnecessary jobs and to promote a more socialist agenda. The one thing we really don't need is another money grabbing organization!
Enjoy your glass of wine today - because when they are finished with smoking and food that tastes good - they are coming after wine!
Mark my words, the little anti-alcohol nazis are being bred amongst us as I write!
Hi Katie.......I think in the long run it's best to go to the gym....which is where I need to head, and not the tanning session. Having stated that.....well.......the tanning was marvellous and will go again. Two bottles of wine?? Sounds like a plan.....
I'm good at the bad thing too....if there are rules put in front of me? Well, my brain automatically wonders how I can break them.
Hey Deb...eeewwwww wholeness! Yes, I'm with you there. How yucky.
Daisy!! GOOD on ya, mate!! Boy, I had no idea how closely our brains connect.......I'm loving it. Wait til the next Kawabi reunion.....we'll have so much ground to cover that we may have to pass on buckets and squares just to chat about everything from red toryism to religion to organic farming to HOW TO STOP THE ONSLAUGHT OF WINE NAZIS!! Heaven forbid!
Well, maybe we won't miss out on buckets and squares....maybe we can grab Burg and Char (known to hide behind a big rock to chat it up instead of panting and sweating through the woods) and together over a couple of bottles of wine, we can have a laugh or two. If it's at Otterdale, we'll have to REALLY hide, so as not to be caught breaking rules :)
I want you to know that I planted a bunch of "double" shasta daisy seeds today........they germinate as I write....and will join the other fleurs in my garden this summer. Can't have enough shasta!!
Hope you're not too busy.
Muskie.
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