Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Don't Get me Started..........


I have the fun of being a part of a panel of parents who meet monthly for a gabfest on the local CBC radio morning show. There are four of us plus the interviewer.... all parents with varied home lives and kid combos. We tackle an issue that usually is predominant in the news. Last month, it was our "take" on the Pampered Child (an author was in town flogging her book and theories). This week, we took on Ronald MacDonald. He's been showing up at local schools supposedly promoting healthy living. The taped conversation started there and flew into the whole concept of the difficulties of providing nutritional food for your kiddies that they will chow down on. Since we are a varied group, our opinions range. And since none of us are vocally challenged, it is definately lively.

After the taping today, the conversation continued as we decided on the next topic as well as shared other non-aired stories with one another. And as I listened the one word (besides the term "wellness") that irritates me more than any other kept rearing it's ugly head.

Parenting

Where did this term come from? It's not in the dictionary. I looked.

When did parenthood turn into a verb? What the heck is parenting?

There are many verbs attached to parenthood, but the state of being a parent is not a verb. It is a state of being. I am a parent.

As a parent, I provide, guide, love, nuture, teach, support, protect, pick nits (Thank God only once) and wipe noses. I read books, sing silly songs, clean up spilled messes, take temperatures, help with homework, drive, drive, drive. I tell stories, organize birthday parties, pack for trips, make meals, play thousands of "go fish" card games, sit through tweenie movies, draw baths, wash hair, love, love, love. I reassure, mend, fix, hug, console, dry up tears. I discipline, set rules, teach respect and kindness, demand proper manners.

Sometimes I lose my cool. Sometimes I am human and show my agitation. Sometimes I feel so fed up with it all that I get the hell out of here..........to clear my head. But even when I am off blowing out gusts of fury I am still a parent. I'm Mom. I'm Mom BEING EMOTIONAL.

Like every parent I worry, fret, wonder, show frustration, hope, talk, share, listen, pray. And when the day has been particularly stressful for me or my child OR for the whole family, I find solace in watching my child sleep soundly under the covers.

How odd it would be if I was to ask someone..............so what are you planning to do on this fine Saturday........... and they answer.......... Oh, I thought I would do some gardening, cooking and then a little bit of parenting this afternoon?

Being a parent is an ever evolving learning process, hopefully guided by common sense and luck..... just like our own parents did the very best that they could, we take the reins from them and lead on............... I may screw up from time to time. My bark maybe worse than my bite every once in a howling blue moon. I may surrender to serving chicken nuggets one too many times instead of something healthier. I hope to God I don't scar them for life with my days when I'm uneven in providing. But, I will never describe my role as a parent with an "ING" attached to it.

Did I sit silently and let my opportunity to air my pet peeve pass? What do you think? NOT!

"When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years." - Mark Twain

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

Great post on "BEING a parent"

How fun for you to be on a radio show!

I've always loved that Mark Twain quote!

The House on Big Island said...

Outstanding Dana!

I have watched over the past 30 years as the general perception of family and children has eroded.

We were taught (by example rather than by word) that when children arrived - life changed. Being a family meant that for us, "they" came first and "I" got put away for a few years.

This served "us" well - today one son (25 yrs old) has finished school and is filling a critical role in a small vibrant marketing company, another son (23) has graduated, with honours from Acadia (your neck of the woods) and is now doing grad work in Education at Calgary and our daughter (21) is finishing 4th year at Queen's (double major in Biology and Phys Ed) and planning Grad Work at UBC or Dal next year. She is going north to Pond Inlet as a community medical volunteer in May.

None are in jail (yet).

And none were "parented" along the way. But they were all members of a loving, safe and secure family and they will always be.

Thanks for your post - truth has a certain ring to it. All I can hear tonight are bells!

awareness said...

layla.....the radio show is great fun. I'm always surprised how many people catch the segments. It makes me realize how interconnected this little city is. We actually talked yesterday about getting together more often (every other week) as well as the beginnings of the idea of an interesting National show (CBC is our nation public radio system like your NPR)....an hour long slot on being a parent........the issues, and the absurdities. Comedy and commentary. I think it would go over really well, personally.

Daisy.........Shastamon! Glad you enjoyed my little rant. My husband and I often talk about this "ing" phenomenon and how some have lost their confidence and intuition to step up to the plate to just be a Mom or Dad........they rely on books and talk shows and are constantly second guessing their own abilities.

The term Parenting just sounds like a duty or a hobby........it's just plain weird.

I know how proud you and your wife are of your family......and my goodness, rightly so. It sounds like they will be spread right out across this vast and magnificent country!! Good thing there are Kawabians in every corner of the country......an informal family of folks one can always touch base with.

Muskie.

The Harbour of Ourselves said...

not sure i have learned much - just hope they both know their dad did his best, but as mr springsteen once sang...my best was never good enough

your energy and insight are...well, frustrating and inspiring

Sunny said...

I would love to hear your morning show. I am going to have to tune in and check it out.
The idea of putting "ing" at the end of being a parent also drives me nuts. "Parenting" magazine is a huge iratent of mine. I hate the idea of a whole magazine dedicated to telling us we are not doing a good enough job as it is and that is aside from it not even being a word as you said. Gosh I hate that magazine.
I do look forward to hearing your radio piece though. I'll be tuning in.

Anonymous said...

"Oh, I thought I would do some gardening, cooking and then a little bit of parenting this afternoon?"
that had me tickled... I'd love to come out with it and see what was said..

Since I had children it struck me how this is one thing that however much we want to, we can't get out of. There is no time when you can stop being a parent, even those who try to walk away are still parents. The two are entwined and part of who we are - another fantastic post.

awareness said...

Harbour........our best is all we can give......our best is always served up with love.

Sunny.....didn't know there was a mag called Parenting....I must've had my blinders on thank God.

Rainbow.......thank you. I'm glad you enjoyed my post. Parenthood can be a wee bit smothering at times? Yes, we are never turned off......which is most likely why my sleeping habits are completely screwed up. My ears have been perked for 13 years!!!

Ellen said...

This post reminds me so much of a little chat my son and I had years ago. I told him that he could live to 65 and he would still be my baby.... no matter what age he was. Being a parent is not something we get to put away at the end of the day, it's the hardest job we'll ever have.... as well as the most rewarding.

I remember the Mark Twain quote well. My Dad said it to me years ago when I was coming out on my own, and I finally realized my parents were not the enemy.

awareness said...

Ellen, have you ever read the Robert Munsch children's story...."Love you Forever?" He's a Canadian children's author, so I don't know if his books ever made the trip to Atlanta.

If you havent read it, the next time you are in a bookstore, I recommened you pick it up and read it. your comment about age 65.......well, you'll understand if you read the story. It is about the relationship between a mother and her son as they age. It'll touch your heart.