It is felt most profoundly when I'm least expecting it.
I may be going through the motions of meeting with someone whom I have already judged based on the information I have read about on their history with other frontline workers or colleague heresay, or I have already summed them up in a dismissive manner, possibly even written off the chance that I could make an impact in such a short meeting. I have let my biases show..........or I am pre-occupied with other matters that for some reason seem more important.
Then, the person walks into my office.......... Sometimes I notice in their eyes too that they have already made a judgement on this obligatory appointment with me...............they feel forced to be attending because they may have been told that our meeting is somehow tied to their monthly cheque.
Our appearances, our ages, our gender, our background, and our personal experiences may be drastically different. All of these things could easily hinder any connection.
Going through the motions............keeping our heads down.........eyes closed........judgement already made...............
If you keep your eyes closed, you can avoid seeing the situation.
But what happens when you open your eyes, and ears? What happens when you go from hearing to listening?
The other person begins to trust. It allows for a portal to emerge.
What happens when another person starts speaking from their heart, with honesty? What happens when they begin to tell you their story that includes sins, wrong choices, and the desire for redemption? A tinge of guilt, and a tinge of owning the wrongdoing......
Your prejugemental thinking turns into feeling. Feeling turns into an open heart, receptive to the story. You begin to see vulnerabilities. You begin to appreciate their heartfelt request to be accepted again as a person who has foibles who can make mistakes. A tinge of guilt, and a tinge of owning the wrongdoing of judging.......
You are struck by the thoughts............I can see why this happened to him. I can sympathize with his situation. ...I am no better than he. It could easily be me on the other side of the desk feeling that pain of worthlessness.
I begin to hear the desire for forgiveness.....the need to be validated.
Then, the person walks into my office.......... Sometimes I notice in their eyes too that they have already made a judgement on this obligatory appointment with me...............they feel forced to be attending because they may have been told that our meeting is somehow tied to their monthly cheque.
Our appearances, our ages, our gender, our background, and our personal experiences may be drastically different. All of these things could easily hinder any connection.
Going through the motions............keeping our heads down.........eyes closed........judgement already made...............
If you keep your eyes closed, you can avoid seeing the situation.
But what happens when you open your eyes, and ears? What happens when you go from hearing to listening?
The other person begins to trust. It allows for a portal to emerge.
What happens when another person starts speaking from their heart, with honesty? What happens when they begin to tell you their story that includes sins, wrong choices, and the desire for redemption? A tinge of guilt, and a tinge of owning the wrongdoing......
Your prejugemental thinking turns into feeling. Feeling turns into an open heart, receptive to the story. You begin to see vulnerabilities. You begin to appreciate their heartfelt request to be accepted again as a person who has foibles who can make mistakes. A tinge of guilt, and a tinge of owning the wrongdoing of judging.......
You are struck by the thoughts............I can see why this happened to him. I can sympathize with his situation. ...I am no better than he. It could easily be me on the other side of the desk feeling that pain of worthlessness.
I begin to hear the desire for forgiveness.....the need to be validated.
The lesson of mercy is in full flight.............
brought to you by the awareness of a moment of grace,
passed onto you by His light...............
brought to you by the awareness of a moment of grace,
passed onto you by His light...............
Merciful moments allow you to be the vessel for passing on God's forgiveness.
My thoughts this Sunday evening................ 
11 comments:
Are you sure you are not a bleeding liberal?
(just joking, just joking!!)
ooooooo.....a bleeding heart liberal feminist! I have learned that I don't fit most labels..........I'm like a handful of "bits and bites"......."a whole new ballgame!" Remember that commercial?
Yeah...I the queen of the island of misfits and am quite comfortable as a freak of nature :)
Dana, ah, a fellow bleeding liberal! Funny I think you are post-liberal and quite orthodox....chuckle!
I wrote a little piece on forgivenesss a while back - i particularly love the quote from Mr Twain....hope you like:
A while back now I indulged myself. I poured myself a very large Baileys and ice and snuggled up on the sofa to watch the last ever episode of Sex and the City. And as I watched I again lamented that this much loved yet controversial American sit-com had come to an end. We have bid farewell to Samantha, Miranda, Charlotte and Carrie (at least on the small screen) for good (thank God for DVD's). I for one have been a big fan and will miss my weekly peek into the lives of these intriguing New York ladies.
There are, I find, many things in life that we ignore because we do not believe they hold anything for us. It varies from person to person. I know Christians who have ignored this programme because they find it offensive. Admittedly it's to the point and in your face but at least it's real. At least it addresses those difficult areas of life that we all struggle with without trying to anesthetize them. I have always appreciated the candid honesty with which the programme addresses issues such as commitment (or at least the fear of it), homosexuality, faith, love, relationships and forgiveness. The latter particularly has intrigued me more than most.
In one of my favourite episodes, Carrie, in her usual philosophical manner, suggested that she was, 'thinking the other day how much easier it would be if there were some swift surgical procedures to whisk away all the ugly memories and mistakes of our past and remember only the great connections and special moments.' Which begged the question; what do we do with all the baggage we accumulate from relationships?
I used to have a concrete doctrine on this, where I would take my burdens to the cross and Jesus would deal with them. Once there they would be removed from my path, and once more I would see with clarity the road ahead. I now think this is a nice idea, just not very helpful or theologically very accurate. Are we not told that now we only see dimly? Didn't Jesus seem to let people take time to understand the mysteries of a spiritual life rather than provide a textbook full of quick answers?
My thinking comes from relying on the old philosophy of forgiving and forgetting. I know people who think they have managed the forgiveness, but does anyone really conquer the forgetting? So consequently, can we ever truly forgive if we can't forget? My spiritual dilemma is this; if God removes our sin and remembers it no more how then can a just judgement be made seeing as everything has been forgotten? Maybe that's the point, maybe not. Could it be that we have a poor understanding of what forgetting means, and so consequently we don't handle the whole forgiveness and forgetting very well in our relationships?
So, how do we dissolve imaginary ideas regarding this subject that are held so dearly by so many? It is a mind-set that has no easy or straight forward U-turn formula. The truth for me is that the yoke a certain carpenter once described may be easy, but the burden so often we have to carry is surely not. The author Mark Twain once said that 'forgiveness is the fragrance the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.' A response to the act of forgiveness that is wonderfully philosophical, but not simply understood let alone easily put in practice. I think what Mr. Twain was trying to explain, albeit very poetically, is that the genuine act of absolution has to be entirely selfless for it to have genuineness. The authenticity of forgiveness therefore must include acceptance of what is really there as contrasted with what we simply imagine or wish there to be from within the complexity of the difficult situations we find ourselves struggling through.
Soren Kierkegaard proposes that 'the anguished soul alone understands Christ'. I think he may be right for surely forgiveness is a burden, and for it to reach its destination it must be carried. In other words, maybe forgetting is a constant act of will, a deliberate decision to redeem the past, as opposed to the judging of the absent minded forgetfulness of an immediate moment. Forgiveness and forget-ness are mysteries yet they are mysteries that are not far away, for they are hidden deep within us all those same mysteries that constrain so many to choose to forgive rather than demand retribution.
The truth is that our yesterdays hold irreversible things for us, lost opportunities that will never return, but the good news is that forgiveness isn't so much about judging those things lost; rather it is about redeeming them. We learn a lot about a person when we see how they treat forgiveness. As Carrie Bradshaw concludes in the afore mentioned episode of Sex and the City, 'there is a kind of support you ask for, and there's a kind of support you don't ask for, and then there is the kind that just shows up.' It seems to me that she just might know more about forgiveness and grace than many would have believed.
i cannot watch sex and city.
the reason is that i got pregnant.
my husband was due to go away for over a week and i was only just pregnant so i wasn't telling anyone just yet. and i also had the most horrible nausea all day long. i could hardly eat or drink a thing.
i bought the sex and city series 3 box set with the intention of staying indoors for the whole period of time and watching it.
but i was so sick i couldn't even do that.
and now sex and the city (along with the smell of a particular deoderant) brings back the nausea everytime i even think of it.
bizarre but true. i had to sell the box set on amazon.
Hi Paul. I love that Twain quote. I had heard it before and I'm wondering now if Anne of Green Gables didn't say something similar.
Great piece........was it published?
In my experience with forgiving, especially when it came to matters of the heart, I have found that if I have clearly forgiven, then forgetting is moot because the memories are not painful anymore. The lovely scent of violets remain.
forgiveness is a burden.....yes. So often we allow ourselves to shoulder it for far too long...even the petty incidents. Our egos get in the way....time and distance get in the way....something gets in the way and then before you know it, the incident is so far in the past that it's almost too silly to resurrect......and yet....the burden remains on our shoulders.
Carrie has it right.......it's best when the help just shows up.
tumnus.......very funny story. I too have aversions. I absoluted hated the movie "Scent of a Woman" for the same reasons. I thought Al Pacino's acting was wooden and unrealistic........and the thought of the doing the tango just about put me over the edge.....ah! I never want to feel morning sickness (which lasted all day and night for months) ever again. Luckily I won't.
BTW......I sent out the link to the craft site you posted inviting my friends to join me in a craft night.......they are responding with laughs and comments!
class! do be sure to put the photos of your crafty exploits on your blog!
I'm not sure if we pre-condition ourselves due to experience, or just have a plain cynical attitude to certain types we've dealt with in the past (almost the same thing, if you think about it, huh?).... but sometimes we can't help but feel like we've been on the same path before, when dealing with a situation. It's nice when we rise above the circumstances to actually listen to the problems in front of us, and deal with it on an individual basis. I'm sure in your line of work that can't always be easy... but you possess a big heart, a needed shoulder, and skills a lesser man would have abandoned years back. It's to no wonder that you are good at what you do..... and I am one grateful Liberal to know you as a friend. You enrich my life, and make me feel less cynical on the days when I get to the point that I will never understand people and their last minute "reeeealy need it" requests.
I feed the belly in my line of work, but you feed the soul.
Closing eyes....honesty...connection....man. This post hit home for me, but because certain phrases touched me for different reasons than an oligatory appt. It really reflects a situation I'm going through...and for soe reason it felt good reading what I've been feeling on paper. Thank you :)
Tunmus.......I think my colleagues thought I was kidding about the craft night...!! One of them even pointed out how expensive the "supplies" are..........like it would be a big waste!!!
Ellen.........My daughter asked me tonight if I could invite a blogger over who would I like to have dinner with..........? YOU! We'd have so much fun wouldn't we??
K......I'm so glad you found something in my post that personally helps you. Nothing is more rewarding to read a comment like yours. thank you.
I am so touched. Lobster maybe???
I'll be happy to cook!
Noice one A!
Sso glad you convinced Harbour of Ourselves to post his divine voice aswell.. I really needed it!
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