Reflections on Counselling

The role of a counsellor varies depending on the connection made between the two individuals. Many variables have to align before there is a flowing openness.......a movement in the conversation that evolves from polite safe topics to the client's story and eventually to the identified issue. The key to this happening always starts with a connection built on trust and respect. Often it doesn't happen if one of the two aren't alert to the process or have decided to remain cognitively and emotionally asleep, fearful of personal awareness.

If a strong connection does occur, the chemistry and the client's prospect of establishing a sense of self-recognition, altering of perceptions, and making decisions to forgive and move forward are limitless. By assuming the role of a guiding agent of change, the counsellor can experience a sense of personal fulfillment knowing that they have witnessed an amazing transformation. Whenever this occurs the counsellor and the client part with a strong bond, new perspectives and the knowledge that they have shared an emotionally charged intimate moment unique to the relationship.

The roots for all effective counsellors must be embedded in a genuine desire to help and an interest in communicating at a deeper level with others. Often taking on the role of "private eye", they must also have a strong foundation in critical analysis, puzzle solving, quick intuitiveness and of course curiosity. Counsellors are inherently nosey. The fertilizer around the roots is enriched with empathy, authenticity, thoughtfulness, and respect. Using attentiveness and light, the client has the potential to stretch,and to develop in strength and personal veracity.

Learning is ongoing......................

The counsellor is a leader, confident in providing the light and the path for a lost individual. Sometimes, the path is a dark unknown to both parties. Still, the counsellor must be able to project a sense of safety and trust to maintain a conviction that will allow the process to be fruitful and to judge the timeliness of the "aha" moments for the client.

Paradoxes need to be confronted daily in the life of a counsellor, and these stem from the very reason he/she has chosen this field in the first place. One has to have the ability to care and to show concern, to be receptive to whatever issue has been thrown out for resolution, and the ability to accept deeply felt and expressed feelings from others. These qualities can ultimately leave a person open for taking on another's problems and trying to solve them. On one hand, the counsellor must continue to be receptive. On the other hand, he/she must take all precautions to protect themselves from becoming a "saturated sponge" full of other's issues. The counsellor must keep a distance, maintain objectivity while also feeling for the person in conflict.

Balance is key.

Sometimes, it isn't possible..........the story is too piercing and you lose your balance. The counsellor finds his/herself in a quandry, wrestling with issues that he/she don't logically own, but have somehow managed to get under their skin. It's important to be able to recognize when this occurs and learn ways to let go of it or it will ultimately affect their life outside of the counselling environment and eventually cause burn out. This takes experience and an understanding that selfishness is a necessity in this field. It also means that a one needs to take time to go back to their own roots and re-evaluate just why they chose this career path in the first place.

Frederick Buechner stated that we need to "pay mind to your own life, your own health and wholeness. A bleeding heart is of no help to anyone if it bleeds to death." I couldn't have said it any better.........and it is something I emphasize in any of the workshops I run for frontline staff......

So, where does one go to reflect..........to pay mind to your own life?

To your own inner garden. The answers all lie within their own cultivated and ever changing garden, full of light and shadows.