Sunday, April 20, 2008

the fool

Day after day,
Alone on a hill,
The man with the foolish grin
is keeping perfectly still

But nobody wants to know him,
They can see that he's just a fool,
And he never gives an answer,

But the fool on the hill,
Sees the sun going down,
And the eyes in his head,
See the world spinning 'round.

Well on the way,
Head in a cloud,
The man of a 1000 voices talking perfectly loud
But nobody ever hears him,
Or the sound he appears to make,
And he never seems to notice,

But the fool on the hill,
Sees the sun going down,
And the eyes in his head,
the world spinning 'round.

And nobody seems to like him,
They can tell what he wants to do,
And he never shows his feelings,

But the fool on the hill,
Sees the sun going down,
And the eyes in his head,
See the world spinning 'round.

Ever feel like the fool in the hill? It happens when resignation comes to visit.............after a long tiring try to be listened to, trying to be a good listener. TRYING to be a friend.
What is the message here? careful who you share with because sometimes when you feel like you can be the most vulnerable, by sharing some of your secrets with someone, it can slap you in the face with a stinging dose of reality? I don't know. I keep ending up on the hill feeling like a naked fool. I completely suck at dealing with being dismissed and ignored. It makes me feel very ugly to look at. It makes me feel sick to my stomach for fear that I have been rejected as a human being.
How about you? How does it make you feel?


lila said...

We mustn't let someone else's reality (whatever that may be) affect us too deeply!
Easier said than done some times...we must practice.

Rainbow dreams said...

It's a double edged sword...
we all feel foolish if we think our trust has been misplaced and we judged something wrongly, that we laid ourselves bare and vulnerable just for the chameleon to change it's colour in front of us.
However, if we have been true to ourselves and spoken from the heart, then we have done what we can...we have been honest and can give no more than that. We give ourselves and then hope we are accepted for who we are.

Sometimes, or maybe most times, others reactions, or lack of them, aren't to do with us, it is about their own issues.

Rejection, dismissal and being ignored all suck BIG time... I hate it...but then I know I have done it too at times ~ unintentionally hurt someone without thinking, most often when I am caught up in my own issues and life and hurting to even consider that my actions are hurting others...much as I try not to, I am guilty too.

I would say that it's not you who is the fool on the hill. it is the other person who sees and says nothing...who doesn't share their feelings back...

It's a risk we take, but usually in good faith... we don't get to share secrets and ourselves that freely without trusting our instincts and testing the water first...
so hanging onto the fact we are worthwhile human beings, regardless of others reactions is important ~ we can safely assume it isn't us, unless they care to enlighten us that is.
However, it makes me very cautious about sharing anything more with that person unless I can be reassured...

Under there... said...

It makes me feel like rubbish also. The hard thing to do when being in the possession of someone else's trust is to remember how valuable that is. No matter what the temptation to share someone else's secrets, we must not forget tht we are devaluing that person as a human and tossing the precious gift of trust in the trash.

Br David said...

My mum had a saying. If you have a friend keep him so, don't let him your secrets know. For if that friend becomes your foe, around the world your secrets go. The community taught me about availability and vulnerability - the Franciscan way is to be totally open. It still isn't easy.

Awareness said...

Lila....good advice. we have no real control over how our messages are received do we? surely is. I often wonder about these questions after a counselling session when someone has been in my office and have spilled and spilled and spilled their biggest secrets with me. I wonder if they leave feeling raw and vulnerable and second guess whether they should've or not.

You bring up great points. I think the key has to be authenticity.....if we ARE true to ourselves and HAVE spoken from the heart, we know we have been honest. How it is received is not in our control. How the receiver is feeling at the time is also not in our control.

And the ignoring part? Me too. I'm guilty of that and haven't known it at the time because I was preoccupied with my own stuff. It's difficult especially if you are dealing with someone who has a bottomless pit of needs too!... Sometimes it gets to a point when you almost have to ignore them in order to protect yourself.

Human interaction is all risk taking. i can't imagine changing my ways anytime soon. :)

Thanks for the's all interesting.

Tim.....I so agree. As much as it can be is so unethical. Even though the stories I share are for the most part a composition of many, I always feel like I'm sharing too much sometimes.....though I always change names etc, it's a fine line one walks. The stories however I hope are helpful to others including me as they always clarify something for me. That is always my intent.

Brother David.....I can't imagine that is easy at all. We are keepers of seems like a natural way of being. To be completely open and vulnerable all the time must be a challenge.

Thank you for sharing your Mum's's so true. It also puts big pressure on a friend to be the keeper of a secret when perhaps it is something one should share with God instead....... :)

The House on Big Island said...

Hi Muskie,

It's just me. I have been reading your posts (faithfully) - and loved them all.

I know that I do not respond too often - not because I don't read them all, but because I don't always have something meaningful to say!

Tonight, over a glass of really, (really) good Beaujolais (yes there is such a thing!), I had to write to you.

I love this post - maybe because I have always loved the song so much.

I am not sure if I ever really listened to the lyrics. But it is full of delight.

...and tonight, I am not really thinking too much about MEANING, so much as DELIGHT!

My son, Matt starts his first job as a full time Phys Ed teacher tomorrow (in Calgary - after 4 years of great teaching and training in Nova Scotia).


My world is "spinning 'round" these days - I watch "the sun going down" - "nobody ever hears me" "or the sound I appear to make", and I don't really care if anyone ever notices (anymore) - so I guess that I really am................


but - I do love you and the warmth that your writing brings me!

Have a great trip to the U.K. and a ball at Otterdale. I am leaving tomorrow for 3 weeks in France and Italy and then it's back to Spain at the end of May - I will miss you all!

(say hi - from this wee fool).


Awareness said... good to hear from you. I'm glad you have a different take on this song, because I find it kind of sad. Thank you for putting a happy spin on it! I do love the song too.

Wonderful news about Matt. May he soar as a teacher and enjoy all that Calgary and those beautiful mountains have to offer.

Enjoy your sounds WONDERFUL......

YOu will most definately be missed at Otterdale........especially when the guitars and songs begin in the late evening. Skagg and I will try our very best to lead the crew in song at Chapel, but i know it won't be the same without you.

take care................i'm always comforted knowing you're out there.

love to you too........


Baby-Sweet-Pea said...

I've been the naked fool on the hill...trusted and then betrayal. I'm doing a better job at keeping my clothes on now...still can be a fool once in a while but at least I'm dressed...

Open Grove Claudia said...

I love the fool. When I see him - usually in a tarot deck - I marvel at how happy he seems. He's just on his way through life. :)

I struggle with people who avoid being foolish. I know so many young people - who aren't doing ANYTHING with their lives but creating carbon - who are terrified of looking foolish. I think that's very sad.

Awareness said...

Baby SP......ah........sometimes it feels SO good to run around on top of the hill buck naked! Well, maybe not Keswick Ridge, but someplace a little less populated!

Claudia....Fools are much needed and revered on this end too. It's such a misnomer isn't it? My most interesting conversations during my day are with those wise eccentric fools. We should pay attention to them always.

Kate's Typewriter said...

i totally identify. i don't have any profound ideas about it really... except, sometimes being the fool on the hill, you get to be still and listen to your soul and the world around you a bit, undisturbed.

I'm afraid when I feel rejected, I react in kind... run off, start over with someone new, try to create a situation in which i feel accepted by someone... or I retaliate through writing... haha. :)

Gypsy said...

There's no fool like an old fool" has felt like my mantra for a long time. It's hard to trust again when you have been made to feel like an idiot but I have always felt that it's important to give each individual a fair go. Surely by being over protective of oneself you are making the next person suffer for the actions of another....So I jump right back in and quite often make the same mistake again.

The funny thing is it's usually me I end up angry with NOT the person who betrayed my trust or rejected and ignored me.