silent night, holy night.........

It's early Christmas morning.  Everyone is asleep in the house.  I'm sitting right beside this beautiful tree all lit up and abundantly sharing its stories with me through the ornaments hanging from its branches.  The fire is slowly dying and its time for me to crawl into bed for a couple of hours before the day really begins!  But, I'm wide awake, albeit in a disconnected way because I am so sleep deprived from the past few days.  I'm having a difficult time quieting my brain.  I do love this time of year, but it is tiring as the Mom and organizer around here. As much as I try to pace myself, especially this time around because any event/party/gathering now means I am in charge of prep AND clean up on my own, it's all new.

At times I've been overwhelmed....... fraught with big heaps of emotional waves.  They come and go though and are expected.  Most of the time, I've remained on an even keel.  However, I have a feeling that once Boxing Day arrives, I will be a drooling eejit on a couch, completely spent.  Lets hope someone fixes my remote control for the TV and I can scroll channels looking for a mindless movie or two! 

Tonight was really lovely.  As a family, the four of us attended a beautiful church service and then came home to watch a movie together.  This is a Christmas of transition.  It is also one that is being provided as it is because it is what my children wanted and expressed.......... to have both their parents present.  We are.  On Christmas Day, we will be.   It's not that we are playing any denial game.  It's just that its a transition time.  

So, now.......in the early hours, I'm here alone.  And that's pretty normal too!  I'm usually the last to bed on Christmas Eve, sipping on a glass of wine absorbing all of the goodness the one feels JUST before the day unfolds......... with surprises, joy, gratitude, peacefulness.  I expect it to be the same this Christmas morning.  I can't wait to see the kids' faces when they open their gifts.  I can't wait to share our dinner with friends like we always do.  I can't wait to touch base with family who live far away from us.  I can't wait to listen to Handel's messiah as I cook a big breakfast.  I can't wait to stop in the middle of all of the celebratory events to reflect and give thanks. 

I have no need for gifts to open this year.  I have been showered with gifts ALL year.  Truly. It has left me humbled and grateful beyond any other time in my life.  The love and care I have been provided unconditionally has left me with a completely different perspective on life and on our roles with one another.  It has led me to believe that we are the angels in each other's lives.  I don't know what I've done to deserve it, but I have been blessed with a choir of them to carry me, to encourage me......... to be there with me.  

It is a different kind of Christmas this year......... one that is more meaningful than all of the others combined.  What an amazing gift that is.  Thank you.

I don't have the energy to post photos at this point, though I have a few to share..... I'll wait and show them to you when the day is done.  In the meantime?  Merry Christmas to all of my blogger friends and friends who regularly read my perambulations.  May you find a blessing or two under your tree or tucked in your stocking.  

Dana.