Saturday, December 03, 2011

it starts with a breath.........

 The moon's reflection in the river.....

I decided to try to put into words how I prepare myself and get to the place where I can meditate.  The first time it happened, it was a gift I stumbled onto.  Out of exhaustion.  I was so exhausted that it simply occurred because I had no defenses left.  It happened when I attended the Greenbelt Festival in the UK a couple of years ago.  Since then, I have been able to "revisit" that place inside me whenever I want to.   

A few times, I have tried to follow guided meditations or  to books on this ancient ritual but I always put the CD's or books aside because it seemed to complicate the process.  Like religion, I choose to keep it as clear of accouterments as I can.  Not that I want to dumb it down.  Rather, I want to keep whatever spiritual journey or path I take to be as clutter free as possible.  Less judgement.  More acceptance.  My pace.  Does that make sense?  Well, it works for independent little old me!  

During this past year and a half, I have used this technique to help me refocus on the here and now rather than the anxieties of the future or the regrets that linger in the past.  This fall, I have tried to re-kindle and strengthen my belief in a Higher Power as the best way to find strength in hope and optimism as I take the steps to being healthy and whole again.  It most certainly has helped me, because the biggest challenge is not allowing the intrusive scary thoughts to take control over my life!   

Maybe you do something similar?  Maybe what I do will encourage you to try meditation?  Maybe what I do or how I do it creeps you out?  Or maybe all of those self help books and meditation books are too directive? This way or the highway?  

What I have learned from stumbling upon my ability to find a stillness where prayer dwells?
  1. I let go of that pent up energy in my muscles by breathing.  By relinquishing the control, I begin to relax. 
  2. I remind myself that I am not alone in this scary world and that I don't always have to be in charge.
  3. I acknowledge the thoughts and feelings that want my undivided attention and consciously let them float away.  One breath at a time.
  4. I remember that the word Spirit and the word Breath are tied in meaning.  This helps me visualize the invisible Holy Spirit who is in the air all around us. Ancestral spirits too. They are all around us too.  I think we feel them deeply at this time of year.
 So, without further yapping............... here it is............

I close my eyes to lift up the inside blinds which cover the window that looks out upon the landscape of my life.
I turn up my internal volume to let in the hums, hymns and harmonies that is the soundtrack of my life.
I release my mind to the thoughts and lessons stored as reflections and mysteries of my life.
I open my heart to rambling brambles of feelings that lead and guide me through the heightened senses of my life.

Deep slow breathing begins with over-awareness of actions 
As I welcome in those immediate thoughts, feelings, sights and sounds tempered with anxious vibrations, 
I breathe.  
Awareness breathing.  Too deliberate at first.  
Breaths like new dance steps take a while to master without full stop awareness. 
Acknowledge the vibrations...... those nervous cluttery fears with a cordial greeting, then send them on their way.
I find the courage to let go of my self-centred energy.
The longer I breathe, the easier it is to surrender the energy over ......

I breathe......knowing fresh air is filled with the goodness of Spirit.
Breath ........... Spirit.
Step, dance, step..... 
Relearning to let go ........ to let the breaths happen ..... to let them lead.
To let the Spirit lead.  
To let the Holy into the Spirit. 
Holy Spirit ..... Breath. 
Guiding goodness
Smiling kindness
Step, dance, step.
I allow my vision to center around my perception of home. 
I allow the breaths to take care of me.

Harsh immediacy hands over to relaxed timelessness...... 
I hand over the reins... controlling energy over to blue energy.
Always blue.  Don't know why.  Soothing blue. 

The gates inside me open........ like a vessel ..... unblocked.  
Some call them chakras I think. 

Senses cascade.......
My eyes catch sight of soothing blends of warm twilight, 
earthened hues, tidal blues, tickle pink flowers
elegant morning sun's rays of light lifting off the surface of the river
As it flows, as it flows past my internal window.
My volume hears harmony measured in a pattern beat.
I release my mind to explore mystery
As I let go of controlling emotions, 
I re-learn how to open my heart to the bathing of a humbling message cupped by grace and gratitude ...... 

Life's gifts are real, raw and enhancing.  
Who I am and where I am is who and where I am meant to be.  


These moments of meditation have a timeline of their own.  They could last fifteen minutes or an hour.  I never know until it is complete.  And I know I have completed this cycle of calming the inside turmoil when I reach the moment when my whole body takes in one enormous breath of air and lets it out......... whoosh!


Selma said...

I do a similar thing where my breathing allows me to become aware of the vastness of the world and the vastness of the human spirit. I always end up feeling the stillness. It is a beautiful thing!

Brother David said...

That's quite an amazing description - something that resonates with me, but I would have difficulty in putting into words.
We should not assume that some things are beyond words.
Well done Dana and thank you for the insight.