tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17192698.post567306089742852402..comments2023-12-25T02:46:52.723-04:00Comments on Awareness: games people play.....awarenesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06098432781380754899noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17192698.post-44549275152202107332009-02-11T17:53:00.000-04:002009-02-11T17:53:00.000-04:00Great post. On one of the courses for the children...Great post. On one of the courses for the childrens home they opened with a poem from a girl who had been in care. She put the same insight in a poem and said that her pockets were filled often but there was a hole in it. Can't find it now but it was great.<BR/>I had a huge hole myself because of several reasons It was healed nearly completely by one person. I was lucky <BR/><BR/>I did a transactional analyses paper for a basic counseling course. Loved it.Marjahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17458942200244031009noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17192698.post-65337348173134842222009-02-11T09:06:00.000-04:002009-02-11T09:06:00.000-04:00Naomi...thank you for pointing this out. It wasn'...Naomi...thank you for pointing this out. It wasn't my intention to express that people go looking for abusive strokes... <BR/><BR/>We are deprived of the positive ones. Many lonely souls don't receive any form of positive affirmation. Because we need them in order to survive, we seek them out. When you consider a young adolescent pregnant with a babe (a babe having a babe) more times than not its was the result of two people in need of stroking...in need of love and recognition which brought them together. I often meet with young moms who tell me point blank that all they wanted was a baby to love unconditionally because they never received that themselves. <BR/><BR/>We prefer the no strings attached, "you are beautiful" strokes that's for sure....but if we are deprived, our inherent drives kick in and consequently lead to seeking them out in all the wrong places. <BR/><BR/>does that make sense? <BR/><BR/>I should write more on this topic later. There's much to say and I tried to just bite off a little bit of where my thoughts are while prepping for a course. I'm in the process of deciding which direction and which textbooks to order....this is why I'm looking at things so early.awarenesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06098432781380754899noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17192698.post-85844694265961069142009-02-10T21:08:00.000-04:002009-02-10T21:08:00.000-04:00"FLAWEDNESS"...Lord, my spelling is just horrible...."FLAWEDNESS"...Lord, my spelling is just horrible....lol!<BR/><BR/>A very provocative post, my dear...As always....Your Search is amazing and so very admirable.OldLady Of The Hillshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02458879772193114892noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17192698.post-49843526865492245022009-02-10T21:02:00.000-04:002009-02-10T21:02:00.000-04:00Every time you said we need strokes and it doezn't...Every time you said we need strokes and it doezn't matter whether they are GOOD or BAD....That just didn't and doesn't feel right to me, at all. I don't believe people actually look for abuse, And'Or, they rather have that than nothing. No, That just doesn't sound right to me, at all. That people are IN abusive relationships is true, of course, but why they are in those relationships I think it so very much more complicated than 'looking for strokes' of any kind.<BR/>The experience of our earliest kind in regards to "feelings"--on a deep emotional level----is part of what leads us where we go. It is familiar. There is a comfort in familiar, and if you know nothing else..THAT is what you are attracted to.... But, to actively LOOK for these things that are going to make you feel bad about yourself??...I don't think so. It seems to me it is so much more subtle and complicated than that to my way of understanding through my own heart and feelings.<BR/>Indeed, we all need strokes...But, the strokes we need are not the OLD Messages of 'You Are Shit'....'You Stink'....what we need and what I believe we ACTIVELY look for are positive loving strokes. We just don't always know the right places to find these positive strokes all the time, and in that sense, we msy end up absolutely in the same old, same old....you know? <BR/>The solution to all this? Well, I don't know that I have the answer to that----I just know that one must make friends with our/my/ your "flaudness" because as it says in the Serenity Prayer, which is ALL about change and knowing what you can and cannot change....<BR/>".....The Wisdom To Know The Difference..."OldLady Of The Hillshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02458879772193114892noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17192698.post-66930430834066988442009-02-10T17:43:00.000-04:002009-02-10T17:43:00.000-04:00Murf...I believe we all need a good colon blow par...Murf...I believe we all need a good colon blow partner, you're just one of the lucky ones! Bad mental image?? NAH! I just never thought of him in that role...I do consider him a miracle man though since he was able to teach me how to do the front crawl well enough to pass my Bronze.<BR/><BR/>There is a great exercise I used with a co-worker last summer when we were working with a group of teen girls. It was about how life's experiences fill our cups etc...but that life's experiences also puncture holes in the side....we gave them their own cup and brainstormed events etc to illustrate it....then we poured the water in the cups and talked about what we can do to plug up the holes etc. it was very effective. <BR/><BR/>Have you used T.A. stuff with your teens?<BR/><BR/>m2p....I thought of you when I was writing it and wondered if you used some of the Berne's Transactual Analysis tools. The Ego States (parent, adult child) is a good tool to demonstrate healthy interactions and why etc. I use it often during counselling sessions and in my facilitating work with staff.awarenesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06098432781380754899noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17192698.post-29173128163385941702009-02-10T14:26:00.000-04:002009-02-10T14:26:00.000-04:00Another very good post Dana...I will come back to ...Another very good post Dana...I will come back to digest further in the coming days. This is interesting to me. Thanks for taking the time to post it.much2ponderhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02392298165950651491noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17192698.post-88444319184316691942009-02-10T13:50:00.000-04:002009-02-10T13:50:00.000-04:00This piece really resonated with me on several poi...This piece really resonated with me on several points. I liked the idea of our emotional cup containing holes. Sometimes I need more stroking than at other times and it is at these times that the holes in my cup absolutely gape. I don't even realize that I am being stroked and just keep barging ahead in a self-defeating manner. It is also at these times that I can't analyze why I feel the way I do, or act the way I do. I seem to be on emotional autopilot. Fortunately, my partner seems to be able to read me like a book. He says that I am transparent, even when I feel completely muddled. Maybe that's why I keep him around. He's sort of my emotional Immodium. Is that a bad mental image?murfhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03888877920813781767noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17192698.post-46116618906406922922009-02-10T12:54:00.000-04:002009-02-10T12:54:00.000-04:00Tim...GREAT comments! thanks...it's made me think...Tim...GREAT comments! thanks...it's made me think....loveit!<BR/><BR/>I totally agree...there are some who need many more strokes than others do....for as many reasons as there are unique people. <BR/>Like you, I tend to trust quickly and deeply. There are times when I've been burned.....more recently for some reason and like you am trying to figure it out. The faith in people? I hope yours never tarnishes. I hope mine doesn't either, but there are times when one has to protect oneself for a bit in order to figure out why we react in one way or another....or even to simply get over a recent hurt.<BR/><BR/>Reincarnation? Maybe it's not that we did something nasty...maybe its just that we ran out of time to learn a few lessons or two, eh? hahaha!awarenesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06098432781380754899noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17192698.post-77750303916630611622009-02-10T08:58:00.000-04:002009-02-10T08:58:00.000-04:00This blog sounds like a conversation that I had wi...This blog sounds like a conversation that I had with someone recently.<BR/>Some of us need stroking much more than others. It also depends on circumstances though doesn't it?<BR/>I am one of those people who doesn't quite see my holes properly to try and heal them. I see that something is (not) there but don't quite get what it is without the help of friends.<BR/>I also tend to be one of the naive ones that has difficulty seeing underlying motives when they exist. Too much faith do you think?<BR/>Is there such a thing as too much faith?<BR/>Maybe those of us who end up in heart wrenching circumstances are intended to do so?<BR/>You know how I feel about reincarnation and life after death but if I did hold those beliefs I would say that us who sometimes suffer may have done something quite nasty in a past life.<BR/>TimTim Scammell, PTechhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12158488271463632441noreply@blogger.com